Relationship works without sex
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|Thu, 08-05-2010 - 3:19am|
DH and I have been married 9 years. He is 61 and I am 60. We haven't had sex in about 5 years now and very rarely before that. We are very affectionate emotionally and physically. We are a great partnership in all other ways. We are very happy together.
My DH is a male domestic abuse survivor. He was in 2 abusive relationships, one immediately following the other. Luckily, I have professionally worked with a lot of domestic abuse survivors, some male although not many because they don't admit it. He was abused in all the usual ways - verbally, emotionally, sexually, physically. He suffers from PTSD from that on top of being a Vietnam vet with PTSD. BTW, I am also a domestic abuse survivor but was further in recovery when we met.
I know that it bothers him that we don't have sex. It used to bother me a lot but I've pretty much dealt with it. I used to get angry and would openly masturbate. He was not having ED when we stopped having sex but he did stop being able to have an orgasm. We used to occasionally talk about it but it upset him too much. So, I made the decision a long time ago that the wonderful relationship we have is good enough. I have hot dreams and occasionally masturbate but other than that I try not to think about sex.
I am sure that his problems are from the sexual abuse he endured from the two women before me. It was bad. When I met him, he was a broken man. Now he is a different person. I am treated like a princess. We don't have a lot of money but we have worked together to build a good life.
If I were younger, I might not have made this decision. For those of you who have to decide, there are many variables. But, it can work. My priority was a good, stable, peaceful life. I got it. I am loved but sex is not a part of my life.
Gee, I'm rambling, aren't I? LOL