Reversed Libidos

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2011
Reversed Libidos
9
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 11:41am

I'm a 41 year old male who has been married for 11 years, been together 14. I have never strayed, even though I have always had a high sex drive, while my wife hasn't. Well, she hasn't in the past eight years. We normally have sex 5 or 6 times a year, which surprisingly doesn't mean we don't have a happy marriage.

Now here's the situation now: Since my wife often turned me down for sex, I basically stopped asking and became more heavily involved in hobbies and work. My wife has always been overweight, and part of her low sex drive was the fact that she had low self esteem and was afraid to show her body. That has now changed. In the past few months she has dropped 40lbs. and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 11:59am
Dzine,

First off welcome! Thanks for stopping in and sharing your predicament. I can certainly see where you are in a tight spot. Kudos to you for finding a way to manage when your wife wasn't "there" for you, and kudos to her for finding herself again.

Now that I have all that out of the way, I have two suggestions for you. Here's the easy one. Get yourself some viagra or cialis. It isn't just for dudes who cannot raise the flag. My DH is HL and he has trouble with losing his wood, the cialis really helps him with that, when he takes it.

Secondly, if you are thinking about letting her go to have an affair, you need to think twice about that. I would suggest going to a sexy resort for couples like Hedonism in Jamaica. It's amazing how much something like this can really "jump start" your sex life. It is worth every penny imo, and I cannot wait until my DH and I go back there.

If you do not want to try the Hedonism route, you might consider swinging, instead of her having an affair. Swinging is something you can do TOGETHER, instead of her just going off on her own and getting her itch scratched. I'm not saying that it isn't possible for you to let her go outside the marriage with your blessing, but I think you really need to think it through before you do it. A lot of damage can be done if you both don't consider all the fallout from something like that. I have a semi-open relationship with my DH, (I have since the very beginning.) And I am can tell you that it is very difficult and has at times taken a toll on our relationship. Extreme caution is warranted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 12:08pm

Wow, sounds pretty unfair that you had to find ways to deal with the mismatch on your own but now that the tables have turned, she is all upset about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 12:09pm

Follow her lead. Eat better and get in shape.

You might also try dark chocolate (I buy chips) as there's some good evidence that it's as or more effective as drugs for maintaining erection. Also, a few weeks ago I started on saw palmetto for prostate health and I'm not sure if it's to blame but my penile sensations have gone ballistic. Hence,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 2:56pm

...tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes Glenn...excellent for prostate health according to my husband's urologist...I've been including them in our diet regularly for about year now in order to promote prostate health in my children...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 3:10pm

Thanks for the lead, I'll check it out.

Did your H"s urologist mention anything about

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 5:04pm

...according to my husband, his urologist did say something about frequent ejaculations...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 7:45pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 11:57am

I'd suggest that you two have a good long talk together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 12:42pm

More on chocolate...

Chocolate: The Love Drug . . .And Why It's Good for You