Semi-Open Relationships / Affairs / Anyone Made It Work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2011
Semi-Open Relationships / Affairs / Anyone Made It Work?
12
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 4:46pm

I know this is a subject that can really set off a lot of people so read with an open mind and leave God to do the judging.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007

I did have a friend confide in me that she was in an open marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2011

You bring up an interesting point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
conarc,

What you describe as "semi-open" sounds like cheating plain and simple to me. I have lived in an open relationship of sorts for over 15 years. My relationship began as non-monogamous (with limitations) and it has stayed that way. In order for non-monogamy to work, IMO, it has to be done openly, honestly and with INFORMED consent. None of this 'don't ask don't tell' business, because that will bite you in the azz later, when the partner who didn't ask claims they didn't know. Not to say that my partner and i disclose all the details of our outside relations to one another, because we don't want that level of detail, but if he has has date, I know about it. I know where he is, I can reach him in an emergency, and I know when to expect him back.

I'm not sure what you are looking for in terms of "actual experiences" but I'm not going to provide you with "penthouse forum" type stories and don't want to bore you with my "values" so I will leave this at that, and if you have other questions you can ask, I guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2011

Sounds like essentially you have an Open Relationship with a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding the details?

Why don't you share details with each other?

When you say relationship, is it a marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>Sounds like essentially you have an Open Relationship with a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding the details?<<

The only details we don't share are the nitty gritty physical intimacy things...I don't need to know if he got a stellar bj on his last date, ya know? And we have some other limitations on the non-monogamy, so it's not really totally open.

>>When you say relationship, is it a marriage? Do you have kids?<<

We've been together for over 15 years and raised two children in that time (he had sole custody of his kids when we got together they were 6 & 8 at that time...they're grown and gone now.) we never got married, because of some financial considerations, although we've considered it several times, and if we could do so without putting ourselves out financially we would...we view ourselves as being as committed as if we were married. Our relationship comes first before anything else, we own a home and cars etc, which belong to us both, we have shared bank accts, etc...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2011

Probably the most important question is why do you think you chose an Open Relationship like that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>Does it have to do more with wanting more variety or more frequency, or is it more to do with not getting it how you want it within the relationship? In other words, do you think the primary reason stems from you both not being well-matched for each other sexually (the not getting it how you want it), or, is it more that you have personalities that get bored really easy and you crave the diversity/newness either in the people or in the specific activities?<<

Since the non-monogamy has been in place since the beginning, it has nothing to do with being matched or not matched. It was more a case of DH had a lot of baggage from his previous marriage, and wanted it to have that option open to him. I am not a jealous person by nature, and am sexually open minded, so I said "sure, no problem, whatever..."
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010

Married woman...in an affair with a married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Option a) seems to work well for my DH and me. We both have kinks that the other can't really fulfill (except in a mechanical way). In my case the kink is mild, so "laying it aside" is no great sacrifice. If I never get to experience it in the flesh I won't consider my life incomplete. In my DH's case the kink is perhaps more entrenched, but mild enough that experiencing it sporadically seems to satisfy him. So every year on his birthday I give him money to hire someone to fulfill his fantasy. We tell the kids it's money for an "acting workshop," which isn't far from the truth. :-)

Freelance
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007

I am curious to know what the kinks are, and

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