seriously? no sex?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2010
seriously? no sex?!?
55
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 8:08pm
I have been married just a little less than three years. We were together for a year before we married. In that time I could just about count the number of times we have had sex. I have the libido that most men would die for in a wife. I am the women that most men would die for in bed period. I am not squeamish in the least, and will have sex with a headache. So, why did I end up married to a man with a libido of an 89 year old woman?!? I did not get married just for sex. But I also did not get married so I could have the least amount of sex in my whole life with the exception of my virgin years! It's so frustrating. I've been very kind with my husband but I have also explained to him that I cannot continue to live this way. After all, my vows are to be faithful-not celibate! I have gotten so frustrated that I told him he cannot expect fidelity if he gives me no attention. I mean seriously, if you are extremely into sex and have it once a month or less how can you be expected to control the urges? We have gone 2 or 3 months without it as a matter of fact. Are there any guys out there with seriously low libidos that can explain this to me or give some suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 9:16pm
...no, there aren't any LL men that have posted...what did you husband say when you told him that he can't expect sexual fidelity?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 9:23pm

Have you considered the possibility that he might be gay, asexual (www.asexuality.org), or dependent on some weird fetish for sexual gratification?

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 1:51am

Do you have kids? If not, get out now. This doesn't change. Your LL husband will never become someone who can or even wants to meet your needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:47am

Congratulations on having spoken to him so plainly so early on. Now, carry through.


Agree completely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 6:42am

Unfortunately you can do nothing about your H being a LL and neither can he.If he doesnt have the desire to have sex,nothing can be done just like you are HL,can you bring it down? You are dealing in your own way -- being frustrated and feeling rejected.

How old are you? Do you have kids? If you dont have any,leave now as its not going to get any better and you cant blame him.Thats how he is.

Suggestions? Leave or stay and accept it to get worse with time but DONT expect any change for the better.

You do have a choice especially if you have no kids.Even if you do have,its never a good idea to stay for kids.Problems in bedroom will spill outside as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 7:18am
...I would just like to interject that the husband can make changes for the better...he can become actively and enthusiastically involved in his wife's sexual satisfaction...intercourse is not the only kind of sex....but, if the OP wants sexual desire each time or "sex kitten" behavior, he probably can't deliver that....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 9:06am

ITA. My response was with the assumption that OP has asked for that and got rejected for that as well since she has been M for 3 years and the problem existed even before that.

Not to sound mean or rude but when she knew how it was before M , why did she get M? Assuming he would or she would change him??Bad decision. But we all make mistakes and its never too late to make it right.

If he isnt doing anything about it ,well,then, she has some wise decisions to make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 11:28am

Not to sound mean or rude but when she knew how it was before M , why did she get M?


I'm not sure she knew he was like this before they got married but I knew for my situation. I can answer that one. First, love blinds us. We believe it can conquer all and that we will buck the odds and be happy forever. Secondly, speaking from personal experience, I never thought my DH would change. I thought my sex drive would diminish after marriage. I didn't expect it would increase steadily as I got older. We need someone to write The Girlfriend's Guide to Libido or What to Expect when you're Jonesing for Sex: A week by week guide.


Anyway, I won't make the same mistake again. Next time around, I will marry for sex. Lots and lots of sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 11:40am

" I'm not sure she knew he was like this before they got married "

OP says :

" We were together for a year before we married. In that time I could just about count the number of times we have had sex. "

I am not a regular on this board,pop in sometimes,so I dont know your entire story but I do agree on " I won't make the same mistake again". There is always space for making a change for ourselves.By no means its easy but we get one life to live and have a right to be happy,satisfied and accepted for who we are and not feel rejected for something that is so normal.But again,with the right partner.

I however,dont believe that LL is at 'fault'.Thats how they are and its normal for them.The same goes with HL.The mismatch cant be matched and one has to accept that its a form of incompatibility and nothing can be done about it to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 12:07pm

The mismatch cant be matched and one has to accept that its a form of incompatibility and nothing can be done about it to change.


I'd like to qualify this somewhat, especially in situations where the ML has arisen latterly, and where kids are involved.

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