Sex feels planned

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sex feels planned
30
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 10:12pm

Hi,

So Ive been with my bf for almost 3 years.We have an awesome relationship and generally sex is amazing every time!! Although it seems like nearly every time we have sex it's planned.Like the day before we'll decide to have sex the following night.It's never spontaneaous or out of nowhere,it's not like we have children and crazy busy lives,

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 9:32am

I think the biggest problem is that you have a lot of expectations about what he should or shouldn't be doing and are not doing enough communicating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 10:12am

Did

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 10:26am
ya know, Magnaniman, I've been thinking about this recently. It seems to me that sex problems of ANY kind almost always start with this--"you have a lot of expectations about what (she/)he should or shouldn't be doing." If we start out from a place of expectations and demands and "right" and "wrong" and "should" and "should not" how can sex possibly maintain the playfulness necessary to be play for life? Why can people not just accept what IS in regard to sex? Why does it always have to be about "more" or "better" or whatever? Of course this is coming from someone who is completely dead inside...so maybe I've got a skewed frame of reference here.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 10:27am

No, you are not skewed (at least not in this case :).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:03am

Expectations are a part of life - you can;t have any aspect without them

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:03am

Can I vote for this too?

My only caveat is that both have to play.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:09am
Deedle, I do not think expectations are the problem, so much as rigidity in expectations. I keep my expectations "open" I am a flexible person by nature. My DH, not so much. He's rigid, inflexible and a complete brat when things don't go the way he thinks they "should." It's difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:10am
Mol, "rules" are the enemy as well. Rules, scorekeeping, tit for tat, all of it, it's just bad for business in this case, imo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:17am

That makes sense, I think we all have a minimum expectation, but they also have to be realistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:18am

I have to agree with you n that one, making rules and keeping score when it comes to sex just seems wrong.

Pages