Sex an Obligation?

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sex an Obligation?
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Wed, 11-09-2011 - 5:42pm

dragowoman

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 9:58pm

I think time is one factor but exhaustion is another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 11:08pm

I stand by my belief that, for most low-libido people, sex can easily feel like an obligation for any number of reasons or without any "reason" at all. An LL just is what an LL is. Simultaneously, for most high-libido people, no amount of "reason" can make sex feel like an obligation. An HL just is what an HL is.

ETA: The article cites a statistic that 66% of women are having sex once a week or less. This doesn't sound plausible. First of all, only 55% of all women are married or living with a partner. What percentage of the remaining 45% (single women) are having sex twice a week or more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 5:33am

This is a set-up with bent words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 10:39am
>>But perhaps knowing how beneficial a daily dose of intercourse can be to our health (and probably our sanity), women can now start to prioritize sexual activity. Rather than making the bed every morning, why not opt for a quickie instead<<

Wow, this is just brilliant! How in the hell are we supposed to see this as anything other than a check off the to do list. The article talks about doing it for passion's sake, then tells us to do it for our health and engage in a quickie instead of making the bed. How is this not another obligation? Completely ignorant article.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 10:46am
>>-There are significant health benefits from obligated sex, but no relationship benefits worth mentioning<<

The ideas that sex out of obligation is bad, or less than, as well as the cut and paste from above make me see red. I think if the attitude of both partners is right, there can be health AND relationship benefits from "obligated sex." A lot of women find that even in the face of obligatory sex, they get into it once they get started (not me, generally, but it's been reported for others.) So those people get both kinds of benefits for certain. If the woman doesn't get into it, well they still can be seen as giving a gift of love to their partner, who if their mindset is correct can see it as a demonstration of the love their partner feels for them, in spite of a lack of passion. Hell, it makes it an even MORE valuable gift, because it takes a serious act of will to engage when you're "not feeling it" and not getting anything for yourself out of it. If more people could see it that way, I think it would be a boon to ML relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 10:52am
>>It is a sadness to me that women are talking themselves into thinking in terms of obligation - encouraged by extreme views of autonomy and presumption of coercion and victimhood. Of course, there is a duty of care towards your partner in an emotionally and sexually exclusive relationship, and that applies bothways. Marriage is a bond and a freedom. Freely chosen I hope.<<

I DO view it as an obligation. I hate that "obligation" carries such negative connotations. If I fulfill my obligations I am a GOOD person. It means I pay my bills, raise my children, perform my job, maintain my property, take care of my health and treat the people in my life WELL. How is it bad to go to the Dr when you are sick? Or fill your prescriptions and take your medications? Or watch what you eat and go to the gym? Those are obligations. Having sex with my partner is an obligation too. I like it better than going to gym (except for my partner's really lousy timing) because not only is it good for ME, but it is good for HIM, and our relationship as a whole. But there are LL people out there who wouldn't DREAM of missing their 3x weekly gym time, but cannot be bothered to do 20 mins of activity with their partner with much more widespread benefits. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. I'll skip the gym, and do the matress mambo, thanks. Not because I enjoy the mambo mre, but because there's more PAYOFF.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 11:25am

I DO view it as an obligation. I hate that "obligation" carries such negative connotations.

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 12:13pm
>>swung much too far to the extreme where nobody wants to do anything unless they really want to (and they can get some sort of tangible payoff at the end, deserved or not). That's ridiculous<<

It seems that people are too inside themselves to SEE a payoff in all but the most obvious cases. I mean, to me it seems obvious that there is a payoff to me, if my spouse is happier, and my relationship is more stable. It's a no brainer, kwim? I have a much harder time putting myself out to go the gym (where's the payoff there? I don't get anything FROM it, except tired and sweaty. But I know that overall, I'll be healthier and live a longer more enjoyable life if I do it....but that seems so intangible some days...esp when I'm sleep deprived..) Point being, I do things I don't want to do all the time because I know that in some way they make my life better, overall. Take the momentary pain to maximize the eventual pleasure. People don't seem to understand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 1:09pm
magnaniman wrote:

I DO view it as an obligation. I hate that "obligation" carries such negative connotations.

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 6:16am

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