Stuck in Love...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Stuck in Love...
11
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 7:41pm

Hi Everyone,

I desperately need help. I have a high libido and my girlfriend of almost

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 8:07pm

There's a wide range between "daily, hot, euphoric sex" and celibacy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 8:17pm

Its nice to be in Love isn't it? I have been married for 25 years with no sex for the last 5 years. I make it a point to at least once a week to walk to the end of the driveway

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 9:06am

Hi, welcome to our board. I'm sorry you had the need, but I am glad you were able to find us. I think most here would encourage you to really think about what you will be able to cope with for the long haul. It is most likely not going to get any better. If she is meeting you partway, that is about as good as it is likely to get. Can you learn to live with what she gives you and appreciate that? Or will you get resentful about not having as much sex as you want? Can SHE live long term giving more sex than she wants to have or will she grow resentful of constantly having to "put out" when she's not really in the mood? What will the two of you do when life gets more stressful and complicated and you want it more and she wants it even less (a very real possiblity, as you will see if you read this board much.)

These are all things that you need to discuss. If you can treat each other with love and respect and get on the same team regarding sex, like Tiptoe and her husband, you might be able to make it. Note I said "might" because there is a good chance that even though you both try your best, no middle ground that is "good enough" can be found. It might require her participation in alternate sexual activities (hj, bj, etc) when she doesn't feel up to intercourse. It might require you to masturbate or use porn when your need outpaces hers. One thing is certain. It WILL require you both to live somewhat outside your comfort zone for the forseeable future.

There are also "outside the box" solutions, such as non-monogamy to consider. I am not talking about cheating. I cannot advocate anything that requires lies and betrayal. There is no way I can see that being good for any person or relationship. I am talking about fully consentual non-monogamy. This is really worth considering if you both love each other very much and can see how the constant friction of your sexual needs and her sexual reticence can make you both miserable. Again, this option is not do-able for everyone, but it CAN work for some.

I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide. Feel free to ask specific questions here on the board, there are a lot of us who have struggled with this problem for a long time. None of us would wish it on anyone, not even our worst enemy.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 11:43am

Everyone here has been very reasonable and mature and restrained in their responses. I am going to be the voice that cuts through the fog.

GET OUT NOW! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Most people regret what they did not do. You will regret staying with her. You will regret not experiencing hot wild sex with someone else. Or worse, you'll marry this girl, but you won't be able to withstand the temptation, and you will have an affair. That will be horrendously painful for both of you.

Chase your dreams. Or you can become an old crabby resentful frustrated codger like me. Your choice. Don't say you weren't warned.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 12:11pm
>>.Everyone here has been very reasonable and mature and restrained in their responses. I am going to be the voice that cuts through the fog.

GET OUT NOW! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!<<

LOL. The only reasons I didn't say this is because we have been accused of being too fatalistic on here, and because I really don't think people listen when they get this message. I believe for the most part, that ML relationships are doomed, and most people should get out pretty quickly when ML first rears it's head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 1:37pm

At this point, I feel that sex is absolutely the single most important thing in my life. When my sex life is down, everything about me is down.

Well the problem is I absolutely love everything about her

Given the first quote above, the second one does not mean much if she is not willing or able to meet you halfway or if that is not enough for you.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 2:26pm

Magna is correct. Almost 100% sure you will have less sex after marriage than before, and less sex after kids arrive than before. So whatever level you get to before getting married that you think is "more than enough", make sure it is a hefty chunk more than what is truly "just enough", because you can expect it to decline over time.

As for "I love everything else about her": find soemone where the one thing that bothers you about her is not sex.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 4:27pm

I'll not only second that motion, but add this...

When a HL is getting the sex he or she desires, those other 10, or 20, or 30 areas of disagreement or otherwise irritation melt away.

Seriously, with a near-daily heavenly BJ, who cares if her feet stink? I'll suck every toe of hers 10x over

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 5:16pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2011
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 7:05pm

The people who are telling you to leave are right.

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