In support of Hold's theory

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
In support of Hold's theory
12
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 9:59am

This post appeared on the AVEN (asexuality) board. I thought it was interesting as it aligns with Hold's theory about why some HL women find themselves with LL (or asexual) men.

Freelance

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 12:50pm

And I suppose the problem is that, even more than men in NRE, they would never expect this situation to arise, their expectations would be that this would not be the way it was, or that they could change it with their magnetism & desire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 2:12pm

Yes, and if you take the "all men are horndogs" canard as a given, you end up reaching all these damaging -- and misguided -- conclusions

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 7:16pm
Thanks for noticing, and for taking the time to share with us. It feels nice to be validated.

As if there were ever any doubt. ;)

When you see it coming, duck!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 9:47pm

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 4:52pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 5:53am

It made me wonder if--subconsciously--I chose a low libido / no libido / asexual husband. Knowing that I possibly deliberately (subconsciously, anyway) am responsible for the pain I've endured for the last 25 or so years crushes my spirit.

One of the things that benefitted me a lot in the way I approached changing my old situation from the bad-old-days was recognising my contribution to the dynamic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 04-10-2011 - 7:01pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 6:31am

Hopefully the attitude works whatever we end up doing - I wasn't presuming in your case that you wanted to do further work on your marriage, more that your focus was on the future and all the possibilities that might have.

The Tolle book seems to have great reviews, maybe I'll give it a go.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 12:58pm

It is under asexuality

dragowoman

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 1:43pm

Have you tried Tantric sex classes?

dragowoman

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