The tables have turned...
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|Tue, 09-21-2010 - 5:50am|
My partner's desire increased as soon as I had the baby. I had to offer up anal sex within a week and a half, because we just couldn't wait any longer. It was awesome and it still is... Kind of.
My physical level of desire has decreased slightly with the sleep deprivation, but that doesn't worry me. I can easily get in the mood and my emotional needs for sex is the same - so naturally I think about it as often as before.
However, when it comes down to it... I find it difficult. We do still have amazing sex sessions, but in between those amazing times, I/we struggle. We argue sometimes before we're even past the foreplay, because of all the baggage from the struggles before. While it always has a happy ending (we make sure), it is very negative and tiresome when it happens.
On top of everything, the time after the birth of my daughter has been a very difficult one emotionally. Up until this point, I had never caught my partner lying to me or going behind my back. He has always held me to a very high standard when it comes to flirting or straying in any way - something I struggled with at first, but I have done my very best to live by. Then... On three occasions within three months... He has broken my trust in different ways. We have talked all three incidents through, it was almost the end of us, and now he says he has nothing more to say about it.
But I'm still hurting. I'm still thinking about it every day, wondering what else he may have lied about or done behind my back. Wondering when he will abandon me.
And naturally, this kills my desire. All my emotional needs for sex are still targeted towards him, but when it comes down to actually being intimate... I find myself avoiding it in discreet ways. We still have sex 2-4 times a week, so I don't think he has noticed it yet, but I fear for the day he does. I cannot bring up this problem with him, because he will be angry I'm not over it yet.
What do I do? :(