the "talk" part 34123479
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| Mon, 11-26-2012 - 11:30am |
Or something like that. On Saturday night (when I had initiated sex on either Thursday or Friday, can't recall) he gets into bed and grabs my tit and pinches it HARD. My '%^#$, knock that off!' brings on another TALK. Wherein he tells me that I always have to have it my way, and I'm not trying hard enough, and that we have sex, like what, once a week? And that I only have sex to get him off my back, and I haven't tried to enjoy it, and we've eliminated all the physical causes so the problem is all in my head, and etc etc etc. Of course he storms off, and I cry. I have nothing to say to any of this, and told him so. What is it I am supposed to say? When I say that, he gets mad, and says everything else that gets done about this problem is his doing, and I need to step up to the plate. He's not going to tell me what I am supposed to say on top of that.
I guess my taking testosterone cream and anti-parkinson's drugs, and initiating sex once a week even though I don't really want it, and reading a zillion books, isn't actually the same thing as me DOING something about the problem. This morning I called the sex therapist in the town 45 minutes away. All new patients have to be put on a wait list and take a cancellation appointment. The receptionist couldn't tell me how long it would take to get in. And apparently I have to drop everything and go to whatever appointment comes along. Not really excited about that, since i have a job and everything.
We didn't speak all on Sunday. Not so much as one word the whole day. I don't know what I am supposed to do at this point. I'm all out of ideas. I will probably call him at lunch and tell him about the sex therapist. I'm sure that making that call won't count either (although it felt really awful and embarrassing and pointless to me.) Crying at my desk. great.. better go work and try to think about something else.
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- What happened to this board? 4
- Once a month? 5
- Mismatched....or just troubled 3
- Happy New Year! 4
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- One solution? 21
- Am I a sex-crazed heathen? Or just HL? Is there a line? 4
- My young husband has no sex drive! 29
- abandon ship! 8
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Mir, I think it's great that you are growing in self actualization. However, if he doesn't come along with you, you will out-grow him and the marriage will end.
71bri, if you aren't in the mood, then you say no, just like she does.
Remember this post?: (Read the bolded part)
I think an HL considers sex as part of existence, like breathing - it is ongoing and dynamic. For a LL, it is more of a task (many here have used the word "chore"). As such, for an LL to say "not now" is equivalent to saying "I'll do it later", and to them that is a perfectly acceptable answer - just as taking out the garbage later is to me - as long as it is out by the time the truck comes in the morning, who cares what time it hits the curb. So likewise, as long as sex happens before the relationship implodes, everything is OK in the LL's mind. This is a constant in our house. I have no idea how many times DW has said "not now, I have to get some stuff done, how about tomorrow", which then morphs into a 3-or-more-day wait due to things cropping up here and there (as an aside, "getting stuff done" has become a phrase which makes me seethe). HL's see ourselves on the bottom of the priority pile when this happens. To LL's, however, they just see it as something that will eventually get done. The corollary to this is that the hundreds of rejections aren't rejections at all, they are just reschedules - and conveniently ignore the HL mindset that each one of those reschedules was a missed opportunity that will never happen again. To an LL, when it is finally done, it makes up for every rejection since the last time you had sex.
This is why HLs are reluctant to say no. Say no and now wait twice as long for another oppurtunity to present itself?
Yes, say no and wait twice as long. Because sometimes you have to bear uncomfortable situations to stay true to yourself and preserve your integrity and dignity. Does it suck? Yes, but what you are doing is for the greater good (the good of your self and your relationship.) How about say yes and then initiate when you are ready later? Will you get a 'no' Maybe. But at least you were doing what is honest and true in your heart and not gobbling up scraps like a stray dog.
"But at least you were doing what is honest and true in your heart and not gobbling up scraps like a stray dog."
Doing what is honest and true in my heart? I'm sorry, but me being honest does not seem to get me anywhere.
Regardless of what I do, I feel like I'm begging for scraps like a stray dog, and I'm tired of it.
When you see it coming, duck!
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