the "talk" part 34123479

Mirandarr,

First, I am sorry.  From reading your posts, you seem to be really trying.  BTW, this post is not intended to make this your fault, just the HL point of view.  : )

The pinch could have very well have been something he didn't mean to do that hard.  I think we all at one time or another can remember back to when we did something to someone else, and hurt someone when it wasn't the intention.

From the HL side, your husband, as you probably know, sounds frustrated.  I can tell you for a fact, and you know from my posts, I feel the same way.  It has to be her way, sex is not as frequent as I would like, I feel she only has sex as more of a chore, etc...

In the past I have done the storming out of the bedroom, the silent treatment, etc.  Until I came here and started reading posts from LLs (some yours).  I no longer storm out of the bedroom, give her the total silent treatment.  I will still talk to her and be civil, for how I am feeling inside.

I haven't been following this, and read just this one, but "once a week" is enough for most people above the age of 32 or 33, isn't it? What's up with your husband?

"And that I only have sex to get him off my back, and I haven't tried to enjoy it,"

This is probably why sex once a week isn't enough in his mind.

I have nothing to say to any of this, and told him so.  What is it I am supposed to say?  When I say that, he gets mad, and says everything else that gets done about this problem is his doing, and I need to step up to the plate.

This is a very frustrating part when HL feels that they are really trying, but does not see any progress on their side.  Remember the question I asked you in my post the other week?  What would you think / do / think you would do, if your husband, over time would do less and less of the things that had bothered you?

"What I cannot tolerate is acting like a spoiled two-year old when you partner respecfully declines."

I can understand this from the LL side, from the HL side it can be really difficult.  Think about it, a I'm p'd off at you decline OK, but when the respectful declines happen over and over can be hard for HLs to understand, and turn into the HL feeling rejected.  I'm supposed to respect his/her feelings, at the cost of mine?  You take the same senario / situation out of a sex and your feelings would get hurt.  For example, you have a friend and you keep asking them to go out to lunch, they keep telling you poliety "No, I don't feel like it, or Not today, maybe another day", wouldn't you start to wonder "What did I do?  What is wrong with me?" if you kept getting told the same thing when you asked?  Maybe your feelings would get hurt?

Even though you made an appointment for the sex therapist, which I really give you a lot of credit for, but after I read that and though about it...

It could be a huge ego blow for your husband, "She has to go to a therapist to figure out why she does not want to have sex with me?!"  I know you are trying, but in the back of his mind it may be adding more salt into the open wound.

wow. I dont know why anyone writes on these boards because to me each story sounds exactly the same..only different people..

I have come to learn that there are all kinds of relationships out there good or bad and people just stay together for one reason or another and we cant change that.. If someone wants to get abused then that is their choice.. If they stay for a thousand years and get abused or no sex or sex then that is their choice. No one on this God's green earth can make someone else do what you think is best for them..

If you are getting so angry and frustrated at the posts dont answer them.. Please... walk away and do not post anything..

to each his own..

my goodness.. im sitting here shaking my head in DISBELIEF. I said that before and i say it again Miranda - why TH dont you LEAVE this b-rd once and for all and start living an abuse free life??????????? And Glenn - you´ve GOT to be joking with this *grab balls with same force*. *Grab balls with same force* is when both people involved are in love with each other, madly in lust with each other (and are into mild sm-games but thats NOT the point here AT ALL). WHAT TH does that have to do with the gist of Miranda´s post????? Sometimes i really cant believe what people write here.

'..Umm, no. When he grabbed your tit hard, you should have said, "Yea, we like it rough!" Then grabbed his balls with the same force.'

For a clever man that you come across as on here this is perhaps the most idiotic thing I've ever heard in response to someone in OP's situation. Wtf are you talking about? She hated what he did. She told him so. He made it her fault, her issue, made a scene and is now punishing HER by giving her silent treatment, 2 days later. He's an abuser, he needs to be got rid of, but she won't, f knows why. Grab his balls and say 'we like it rough'? You're f-n hallucinating man. Get real.