Update from "He's Obsessed with Sex..."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2002
Update from "He's Obsessed with Sex..."
Sat, 02-18-2012 - 4:04am

I ended my relationship on Monday. We got into an arguement about the videos, specifically the one of him and another girl that was taken in March of last year when we first started dating. I denied it was last year, but I confirmed it with his sister.

Things have only gotten worse. He began texting threatening messages to me such as "I'm ruthless when backed into a corner" and "It's only going to get worse for you" and "I'll show everyone everything".

I didn't even give him a choice- I procured a police escort while my parents and I moved my belongings out of our apartment (he was there) and I haven't yet given him back the engagement ring.

I'm realizing now that this relationship isn't about mismatched libidos. It's about how controlling and manipulative he was. It's about his constant need to know where I am and what I am doing and who I am talking to in any circumstances. It's about his ANGER issues and the fact that he is verbally and emotionally abusive, not to mention sexually aggressive. I thought my submitting to his sexual desires would make him happy and therfore less mad at me and release some of the stress and tension from our relationship. I found myself "giving in" to sex in order to make him happy and avoid an arguement about it. That's not cool...

I thought I could "fix" him or at least make the relationship better. I can't make him better.

Police are involved. Lawyers are involved and an order of protection has been filed. The judge denied my emergency order or protection so now both of us have to be in court and I'm overwhelmed. Not only did my relationship and engagement end, but I now have to speak to people about these videos and his behavior.

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I know I'm better off without him. It will just take some time to heal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

Wow. I'm so glad you figured this out in itime. Hopefully the knowledge that you avoided a train wreck will make things easier for you as you heal.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

Congratulations on exposing this to the light.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009

"Not only did my relationship and engagement end, but I now have to speak to people about thttese videos and his behavior."

Stay strong, bb babe. Every word you get to speak in court will bring you back a little more power. If he thinks something will bring you shame or embarassment, make your voice even stronger when you respond to it (in court, of course. You're to have nothing to do with him outside of the legal system as I'm sure your lawyer has told you). Two reasons for this. First, you are strong and there's no sense showing another face. Secondly, he may have chosen you because he thought you weren't strong enough and that he could break you or bully you into submission. You need to show him he isn't as smart as he thought he was and that he's not a good judge of strength. Take all the time you need to heal and sort through what happened. You've already started down a better road for yourself.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

It is good that you escaped.


Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Congratulations on being strong and protecting yourself. Do not back down now. Keep up the good work.

When you see it coming, duck!