Update on the life of a Dirtymiddleagedman

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Update on the life of a Dirtymiddleagedman
16
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 9:14am

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...good news!...I'm glad that you're remaining optimistic...and, secretly, I am glad that the deal with the ex blew up as painlessly for your marriage as possible...can I be nosy and ask what sort of marriage encounter weekend it was?..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>I won't say that it is or was a silver bullet. In fact at first I thought it was a complete failure. I thought it almost made things worse. But we decided to continue the program at home anyway since we had invested in the weekend already. During the last couple of days it has really started to open up the lines of communication between us. <<

I think that in a lot of cases, for things to get better, they have to get a little worse first. Or sometimes a LOT worse. Or maybe it's not really "worse" it's just that it is hard and uncomfortable to really get things out there. But once they are out there the can be acted upon, discussed, understood, and maybe improved. Not that they necessarily WILL, but they CAN.

Glad you are seeing progress, DMAM, hope it continues!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002

It was the World Wide Marriage Encounter. If you google it, it will probably be the first hit.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002

Mirranda,

I actually thought of you with regards to this weekend. If you could some how manage it, it may be of help. Just food for thought. The main focus of the weekend is expressing your feelings on issues and learning about your SO's feelings.

There is absolutely no focus on problem solving. Which can make for a stressful situation. But if you understand how someone truly feels, and you really do care for that person, then you will be cognizant of your actions and start to work towards a compromise.

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
DMAM,

DH is vehemently jewish, and I am an atheist, and we are actually not legally married. I am not aware of any marriage encounter that would be willing to have us.

Thanks for thinking of me though. It's nice to know that people care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002

Mirranda

Although WME is a Catholic Church Mission, they welcome all faith and non faith couples, legally married or not. No one asked for any kind of info about us. While there were some prayers and blessings, there was not a big religious push. Yes god and Christ get mentioned every so often, but I didn't see it as a constant theme.

I still think you should look into it. The cost was a donation. Although they tell you what it cost to provide you this service and they ask you to be generous, you give them what you can afford and it will not be discussed any further. While I thought it had been a failure for us at the time I was making the donation, I clearly saw the value of the program and wished we had attended many years ago. It wasn't till after the weekend and many days had passed, and we had continued with the program at home that things actually started to look more positive.

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...I wonder if the encounter to went to was sort of a national thing...our parish held an encounter weekend during the holdays too...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002

Zejayge

Check your PM

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>> Yes god and Christ get mentioned every so often, but I didn't see it as a constant theme.<<

DH would immediately reject anything that came packaged with this. I said "vehemently jewish" for a reason. He has been raised and lived his whole life feeling that chrisianity has been pushed down his people's throats. He is adamant about rejecting anything even remotely christian. It sounds like it could be a good program, and that they approach it in a good way, he'd never go for it.

When it comes to religion, he definitely is a "throw the baby out with the bathwater" kind of person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002

BTW

Did a quick google. There are Jewish Marriage Encounters also.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin

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