Well, this is interesting

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Well, this is interesting
20
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 12:03pm

Well, here's where we stand. We haven't had sex in over 2 weeks. As most of you know, I cannot tell you when the last time was because I just don't care enough to notice when it happens. I just know it is over 2 weeks because this time last week was my last outburst of unmitigated rage, and I know he hasn't initiated since then, and I am afraid to, since I know it will bring another unpleasant "discussion" (and I am using the term discussion as a euphemism for fight.)

Not sure what I should do as the weekend is coming up and I have been trying to initiate on the weekends as a stopgap for being kept awake when I need to be sleeping at the beginning of the work week.

Any thoughts?

roo and snowy siggie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 12:47pm

If I were you?
I'd sleep and sleep and sleep until I couldn't sleep any more ;)

What was the initial outburst regarding?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 1:25pm

The initial outburst was brought about when he persisted in biting my back while I was telling him to stop, because it was hurting me. I had to struggle with all my strength to get away from him. Once I was free he said something to me (I cannot even recall what he said now) and I went berserk. Screaming, pounding the bed (and him by accident) with the remote control in my hand and generally just seeing red.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 2:12pm
Could he be embarrassed about his behaviour?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 2:25pm

>>Could he be embarrassed about his behaviour?<<

roflmfao...ahahahaha....

oh, sorry bout that. It just seems totally unfathomable to me that he would ever feel embarrassed by his own behavior. He never does anything wrong, so why would he? Or at least that is how he comes across. I guess anything is possible. I know I'm embarrassed about mine. I mean screaming and yelling and bashing the remote control (and my fists) against whatever was in front of me is pretty embarrassing. I find these fits of rage to be so ridiculous and inappropriate, but I just cannot seem to contain it when it comes over me.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 3:44pm

Miranda, being on both sides of the coin regarding sex, let me give you a comparable scenario.


Imagine two men stranded on a desert island. They both have guns and enough bullets to hunt the wild animals that live there and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 4:13pm

Glenn,

I am not sure what the 'guns' are. I make every attempt not to fight or fight back. As of late I have 1-2 episodes of rage a month. I am trying to figure out what the triggers are and how to make them go away.

I don't want to shoot at him. I don't want to hurt him. I just want him to stop hurting me, and no matter how tall and fortified I build my walls, I don't seem to be able to get it done.

I am the ultimate get along, work it out, suck it up kind of person. I don't know what more I can do, because nothing I do is ever good enough, and everything is always all my fault. Just ask him, he'll tell you.....

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 4:30pm

This is because you are not applying the 'equity rule of love.'


When you give more than you receive, the other will take until they (eventually) bring you down to their level of giving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 4:37pm

Well, I am not going to change my nature just to fit some theory of equity and I am not willing to take the chance (nay, the certainty) of blowing up the relationship by being less than what I am. I give, it's what I do. The way a writer is compelled to write, or a musician has to get the music out...that's how it is for me. It is who I am.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 4:45pm

I wasn't advocating changing one's nature, just finding a SO who is a match.


Consider this... if you are giving so well, why is your husband so unsatisfied? Could it be that you have already began the equity process, dumbing down your giving nature to match his?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 4:54pm

The reason he is never satisfied is that I am unable to turn back the clock and be who I was 15 years ago. I am no longer HL. I do not get turned on by the same things I did then. I do not really get turned on at all. Any and all attempts to satisfy him fall short, because I'm not "into it" enough. I'm not a good liar, never have been.

He will not bend, yield or compromise, and I am unable to get all the way to where he demands. That doesn't mean I'm not trying, or that I am ready to quit though.

roo and snowy siggie

Pages