What Affects Your Desire for your Sexual Partner?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
What Affects Your Desire for your Sexual Partner?
61
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 12:24pm

Just out of curiosity, what affects your desire for your sexual partner? (If you could list the items in descending order from what most affects your desire to what least affects it, that would be great.) Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010

1) my biology seems to be the primary thing that affects my level of "desire". I'm most desirous about every eight or nine days.

2)pain levels. If I am experiencing a really bad pain day then I'm less likely to want sex.

3) the level of emotional connection between DH and I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006

goodness, a bunch of things....let's see...

1.) State of relationship affairs. If I am feeling bad about him and our relationship, if he's treated me badly, if we've had a fight, if he's been especially taxing on my nerves, etc....

2.) State of my energy level. Sex is WORK for me. If I'm tired, I don't wanna do it. End of story.

3.) State of my physical body. Again, sex is WORK. If I am hurting, I don't wanna do it.

4.) Anxiety levels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007

descending order from what most affects your desire to what least affects it,

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

Um, coma?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

Assuming that overall healthy relational dynamics exist, the only thing left for me is mutual

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>This is the guy who has diabetes and smokes like a chimney, right?<<

yes, that's the one. That being said, he's no longer being treated for the diabetes, because losing 50 lbs has brought his numbers nicely into range.

However, I didn't mean critical of my drinking in that way, he's fine with it if I want to drink. I mean he's critical of my behavior when I'm tipsy. I'm a little too loud, a little too flirty, a little too....whatever....when I've had a few, and that is just a buzz kill all over the joint, so why bother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>I was wondering how one's desire is affected when his/her partner develops wrinkles, gray hair, age spots, lumpiness,...etc. (I can be superficial and shallow like that.) I work hard to take care of myself and look the best I can, but I know it's an uphill battle I'm fighting. Since my body's best days were basically wasted and unappreciated, I'm looking to the future for better days. Fortunately, I still feel that I'm very desirable, but I worry about how desirable I'll be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years.<<

TG,

This type of thing has very little effect on my desire. I've always had interest in what people call "older" men. Ed Harris, Sean Connery, etc. As a matter of fact, Richard Gere did nothing for me at all until he started to age a bit. There are a few male stars that haven't aged as favorably, Clint Eastwood is a little far gone for me now (hell dude is in his 70s! gotta cash it in sometime,) and Harrison Ford no longer appeals...but you cannot win them all! I also like quirky intelligent men...Jeff Goldblum gets me weak in the knees....go figure.

DH has gained and then subsequently lost 50 lbs since we've been together, no noticeable effect on me. Although the full beard he has grown is not my cup of tea.

Now on the other side, DH does like a fit body, but he still likes mine, even though it's a little plump. Young women are great to look at, but for sex partners he prefers a woman who is in her late 30's or beyond (latest choice is 43, I believe.) He appreciates all types of women, and always has though. He doesn't understand what a man of 40 or beyond wants with a girl in her 20s....it totally baffles him.
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004

I'm with Mol. Death and coma, or something close to it. Surgery. Pain so bad I can't walk.

Which I view as a curse and a weakness. I wish there were things my wife could do which would turn me off to her.

As for wrinkles and sagging and such, I would not worry that age will prevent you from finding a partner.

When you see it coming, duck!

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