What to do, he's not as interested...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2011
What to do, he's not as interested...
3
Thu, 02-06-2014 - 1:03pm

I'm 34 & my hubby is 35.  We've been together like 13 yrs & used to have sex 3-4 times/wk on average.  Now its been maybe twice in the past month (its been like this for several months now).  And I am so tired of having to do all of the work.  It's seriously a hit to the ego, like he doesn't find me attractive anymore.  I know work has been stressful and he's tired but I still feel that if you have time to watch TV before bed then you have time to make an effort sometimes.  I mean, I'm not even giving subtle hints anymore its very direct but  he still isn't interested.  He'll complain he's tired.  I get that and I try to be sensitive to it, but now I'm just frustrated!  We've talked about it a few times and it usually turns into an angry discussion with me telling him that he is never interested in touching me anymore.  It's to the point now where I'm just mad and refuse to make the effort if he won't.  Maybe that's wrong, but I don't know how to bring this up without him being defensive.  I never thought I'd have a higher sex drive since it seems like its a common theory that men want sex more than women. 

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 02-06-2014 - 11:12pm

Sometimes it takes commucation.  He is tired and fatigue can strip desire.  Or there is a confidence problem.  Men are sometimes emotionally linked to their work.  If they do not feel like a winner they lose sexual interest.  But a full physical is not out of the question either.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 02-06-2014 - 11:25pm

His being tired and stressed out from work can have a lot to do with it.  Sex takes energy.  There's an art to communication.  Going on the defensive is not the way to do it.  You need to sit him down, maybe on the weekend, NOT in the bedroom, and start by asking him about problems at work.  Give him some understanding, and then tell him that you're missing being "with" him.  This is about him, not you.  If he starts getting angry, then back off.  Another thing is that you can suggest a good physical......he might be lacking in some important hormone or mineral.  Suggest a "date night" with a few drinks.......JUST a few......

Just make sure he knows you miss what you used to have.......NOT That you feel neglected or unattractive.....because that puts him in the position of defending himself.  Work on communication, and good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2011
Thu, 02-06-2014 - 11:28pm

Thanks for the response!  A physical may be something to look into!