What Do You Think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
What Do You Think?
187
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 12:00pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 12:19pm
Why do you stay?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 4:59pm

You'll never understand and I'd bet he'd never understand himself either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 7:18pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 7:26pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:45pm

You're experimenting with conversation. What's the worst that could happen? He might, accidentally or otherwise, start a great discussion with you. If he doesn't, then that's already what you're getting, isn't it?


I don't think it hurts to try to understand your situation. I wonder why, though. (Personal curiosity and not at all criticism.) You don't sound like you're planning to leave. I think you understand your situation perfectly. You, like many of us, are married to a spouse who doesn't meet your needs and isn't interested in trying to meet your needs. (I think that goes both ways for HLs and LLs...though situations where the LL ended the relationship because of the constant sexual demands aren't coming to mind though that's probably because it's not my frame of reference.)


I guess the question that springs to mind for me is what are you going to do with your newfound understanding once you have it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:54pm

Your life mirrors mine. I have been conducting the same experiment and I got the same results. Our longest dry spell was 6 months and I was the one who finally broke, (as usual). My DH suffers from a lack of confidence. I happen to think he likes self-pity. When he physically or mentally isolates and the rest of us keep moving forward, which makes him feel more lonely. I think men like yours and mine choose to be lonely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 10:41pm

I have a hunch he knows and feels his loneliness and would rather not be so alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 3:48am

I've been feeling for you in this post, and really just wanted to say I felt the hug coming on, in a nice way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 5:22am

I realize this, but that does not actually answer my question. The question is: Why do you feel you have to settle?
I do not object that in some aspects of life we must accept what we have and even find a way to appreciate it. But this is hardly one of them, unless you have particular circumstances. So... What are your circumstances?

If you don't mind :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 7:51am
""As for being lonely, I'd say he'd be scared there would be no one to take care of him if you left but lonely in the sense of needing someone emotionally, no. Just needs someone to take care of his other needs like cleaning, cooking, etc."

So, just as some (not all!) LL women pretended to be sexual to catch their man, my DH forced himself to be emotionally intimate with me to catch me, and when I married him, he ended the pretense. I feel so duped."


Maybe, maybe not.

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