At Wits End

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2010
At Wits End
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:06pm

I am a HL woman married to a very LL man for over 20 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:24pm

Everyone has different deal breakers. One of my deal breakers might be trivial for you, and vice versa.

What's clear from your post is that you'll never have the sex life you want with your husband. Not your fault, not his fault, just the "fault" of your differences.

Whether it's a deal breaker of not? Only you can make that call.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:47pm

At what point and how do you decide that this is a "deal breaker"?

Right before the point where you're driven to cheat...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 6:18pm
Two questions:
Is your affair over?
Have you thought about discussing an open marriage with your husband?

I struggle with this too, in my darker moments. If I stay, am I expected never to have sex again (or on such a sporadic basis)?

In happier times I remember that I love my DH and I remember that he's trying even when I'm not getting the results I want.

Wish I could help. Know you are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 10:49am
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 11:32am

As a "small" point, I think there is a huge, ginormous, difference between an open marriage and an affair.

So, really that makes 4 options....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 12:05pm
Mol, you are right, there is a ginormous different between opening the marriage and an affair (I tend to call that difference honesty, respect and integrity, but I'm a little rigid about this.) Thanks for pointing out that there's a difference.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 2:29pm

I'm with you on that one, Miranda

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 03-25-2012 - 1:22pm
serena8282 wrote:

The saddest part..... virtually everything else about our marriage is great and works so well. If there were more wrong, this might be easier for me. At what point and how do you decide that this is a "deal breaker"? It's to the point where when I hear about other people's "normal" sex lives I'm absolutely despondant and simply want to cry.