Find a Conversation
|Mon, 05-10-2010 - 11:46am|
Well, we had a very civilized and adult conversation about our relationship this weekend. He explained that he’s tired of fighting especially of fighting about sex, and he’d rather live as “roommates” and masturbate than fight with me anymore. (WOW) I explained that I believe there is a great deal about our relationship that makes us more than roommates, without even considering the sexual aspects, but that I understood that was how he felt and that I was sorry he feels that way. He did point out to me that it has been almost 2 months since we’ve had sex (I was a little surprised, but haven’t been keeping track.) He said that it just showed how unimportant it was to me, and how not on my radar sex is, that I haven’t noticed or cared. I told him it wasn’t entirely true, and that I HAD thought of sex during that time, but that it doesn’t stay in the front of my mind long enough to get acted on. I did not discuss the fact that I am sort of afraid to initiate because I know it might cause a fight or discussion that I don’t really want to have.
Since having the conversation, he’s gone back to some (not as many, and not as aggressive) displays of affection, and has taken down the pillow “wall” in the bed. Now if I can work out how we can have some sex (because I’d really like to have some, just not every damn night.) I will feel like we are approaching perfection (for me.)
He doesn’t seem hugely distressed by any of this, he’s calm, but maybe a little sad (not hugely, in my book, but I’m not inside his head.) I haven’t said much during these discussion just prompted him for information, said I was sorry he felt that way, etc. I’m processing and deciding what my next step will be.
I didn’t want to be reactionary, we’ve seen where that gets me. I’m being kind, calm, and loving. I think this might make us able to turn a corner, if I can just bring myself to talk to him about what I’d like to see happen and how we might find a middle ground that’s not as extreme as the spot he’s standing now.
This is unexpected, but in a lot of ways I’m delighted.