Your Significant Other's Imaginary Personal Ad

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Your Significant Other's Imaginary Personal Ad
6
Sat, 07-16-2011 - 12:18am

(Prompted by comments in another thread)

Suppose your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend were on the market right now. For what kind of person would he or she be searching?

This is your chance to

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

My LL wife’s (fake) personal ad:

“Me—Outgoing, petite, zaftig, motherly Church Lady and PTA President type… asexual, but only in captivity. Looking for a secret, torrid ONS followed the next morning by a long, guilty sobbing jag, a dramatic break-up and confession. And another one 28 days after that with someone else. And another 28 days after that…

“You—By day: handsome, charismatic, assertive, pure, motivational speaker type, clean cut and smooth talker; (into a nearby phone booth) by night: mind-reading Dom/sub switch who tolerates being topped from the bottom and acts just like the men in the imaginations of Jane Austen and Stephenie Meyer. I don’t need a steady meal ticket who’s well-respected in the community…I already have that and he’s not going anywhere *yawn*. Your job: reassure me that I'm not a shrew after all.

“Other pet peeves: I don’t have any tattoos, non-conservative piercings or bad habits and you better not have any that are detectable in public either.”

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007

Maybe I'm naive, but I dont think my husband would list anything in the sexual category. He'd probably like some meek and mild woman who would pamper him with perfectly cooked food, and never question him, but be able to read his mind and know what he wants, even if that changes from minute to minute. He'd like her to have her own money so he doesnt have to buy her anything, ever, and he'd like her to be independent when he doesnt want to bother with her, but totally into him when he wants her to be. He'd be happy if he found

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

....I think he's say something like:

Retiree who loves to live life in all ways...active, loves to read, politically/community involved, philanthropic, volunteers, and is physcially fit would like to meet a woman who has all of that (and more) in common...(if I were him I'd include that he is tall and hot, but I don't think he will...though, if he were to put his picture, it would speak for itself...)...

...he better not place an ad or I'll break his advertiser off of his body...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>.he better not place an ad or I'll break his advertiser off of his body<<

LOL! good one, Z. I will probably think on this thread and try to post one for DH tomorrow. I think mine would be more interesting than his though. Might post both, just for comparisons. Maybe others would like to post their own as well...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

That's not what your wife would actually write, but your (rather bitter) transmutation of what she might write. And how can she be petite and zaftig at the same time?

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

W would never write a personal ad for herself, so I took a little license. As long as I was taking a little license, I took a little more; I thought I kept the bitterness to a minimum. W calls herself "petite" and means "short"; she doesn't know what "zaftig" means. Do I need to pull over and show my license?