Porn Addict or Selfish Bastard? Life Is More Complicated Than That

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Porn Addict or Selfish Bastard? Life Is More Complicated Than That
38
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 12:35pm

I saw an article that I thought was interesting in Sexual Intelligence section of Psychology Today called "Porn Addict or Selfish Bastard? Life is More Complicated than that."

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007

"" How much of the woman's pain is really about him masturbating (the reason he uses porn, of course)? A lot of women insist that "as long as I'm sexually available to him, he has no reason to masturbate." When pressed on this, they say he has no RIGHT--"he shouldn't take his sexuality outside the relationship," as if they're jealous of his right hand. ""

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Very good article........Does get to the power and control aspects......Always funny to hear "If she's not ready her man should be willing to wait till she is" Yet when turned around....the same type woman is insulted that she can't flick a switch to get what she wants "right now".....Men are supposed to be the Eveready rabbit..... The price of turning him down to often is he'll learn to taker care of it himself.....and then it's her turn to be rejected....Though in such a case I feel that suffering should be good for the soul....it good to see how the other half lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004

Tulips:

Gender bent scenario: Husband sees some porn that he thinks is hot. Husband then bugs wife and claims she need to be more sexual like the girl on the video. Wife claims he is a pervert and acts as though she has the moral high ground. The husband is at fault for having sexual needs.

Traditional scenario: Wife sees a story where a guy on TV did such in such for his wife. Wife then bugs husband and claims he needs to be more romantic like the guy on TV. Wife sees nothing wrong with her criticism. It is the husband’s fault for not being romantic enough.

Tulips, I never demanded that a boyfriend do something for me like I saw "on tv". I never nagged him to get me flowers or do other romantic acts. Infact, it's more special when a man does something for me because he wants to, not because I had to coherse him to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009

Peaches"Tulips, I never demanded that a boyfriend do something for me like I saw "on tv". I never nagged him to get me flowers or do other romantic acts. Infact, it's more special when a man does something for me because he wants to, not because I had to coherse him to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004

The article leaves out the fact that porn media has changed alot within a short 20-30 year time span. Men use to have to leave their homes to get porn. It use to be only a magazine or video. Now it's porn 24/7, right at their finger tips. And men *are* indulging in porn more then previous generations. That's a reality. Now does it mean that all men are porn addicts? No. But I think we've seen an increase in men that relay on porn in unpresidented levels.

My father was a very functioning alcholic. He was able to hold down his own business, make lucritive money but still was an alcholic. I suspect male porn use is much the same. Men are still able to function everyday but it doesn't mean they aren't addicted to it. There are numerious studies that point to how men's view of sex have changed because of porn. How that men will have more negative thoughts about their own partners after viewing porn. How even young men now are facing ED and can't perform with their real life partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Yet isn't psychology today that respected source that you've claimed it is?
This guy at least is a PhD and a licensed therapist not a hack staff writer.

"Marty Klein is a certified sex therapist and licensed psychotherapist. He has written five books and 200 articles about sex"; as per the mag.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009

Peaches "I'm sorry but this article does nothing but shame women and pretty much says that whatever a guy does, even if he is lying or hiding it , is okay because *she* made him do it. "

No, it shames a point of view....as a quite small percentage women are really like that. Many women are sex - positive, they love and embrace the differences between the sexes...they can see both their own foibles and their partners in a even light. They understand compromise is at the heart of an adult relationship and many like a little sexual spice thrown into the mix. Those are the women we men adore...and some of us lucky ones get to marry/cohabitate/love/cuddle....even worship a little as the warmth of acceptance is a balm for the soul.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007

I didn't write those quotes, just the parts of the story I agreed with, just so we're clear here

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007

Another use of blaming and negative words used to decribte the woman in the situation. *She* is attacking *them* all because she feels hurt upon discovering something he never talked about with her.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009

Peaches"My father was a very functioning alcholic. He was able to hold down his own business, make lucritive money but still was an alcholic. I suspect male porn use is much the same. Men are still able to function everyday but it doesn't mean they aren't addicted to it.

Pages