Stolen from elsewhere _Why a romantic read can harm love lives

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Stolen from elsewhere _Why a romantic read can harm love lives
62
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 9:10pm

Read more:

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008

LOL...Oh geez...I've been seeing this kind of thing for decades...didn't need a psychologist to tell me that! My brother's first wife was addicted to romance novels and treated my brother like crap because "his kisses didn't make her weak in the knees anymore". She cheated on him several times because she wanted that initial

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
That's why I see romance novels, soap operas, Rom Com's all as relationship porn....no better than the visual porn most guys and it seems a firm majority of women also like and enjoy..... Over indulgence has negative side effects in both instances. but most people can separate fantasy from mundane existence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008

Yes...different mediums but the same potential for negative effects to a relationship...but ultimately it's not the medium, it's the person engaging it and how they perceive it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
visual porn effects fewer aspects of daily life.....Romance porn raises expectations far afield of the bedroom.....expectations of one sided gift giving, The twisted idea that he owes her something just because they had sex......If they both enjoyed it they'er even...if not try hard the next time...or leave.....not expect a diamond broach. Why would one even want to bring up the idea he's buying your affections?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Agreed...and oddly enough I've run into this kind of thinking even from guys. They'd think just because we had sex that it meant "relationship". Um, no...it meant we jumped each other and had sex. No, I didn't want a ring. No, I wasn't going to have his babies (with Kilroy's brother that wasn't the case...got knocked up at Kilroy's bachelor party...doh!)....and no, he didn't need to keep buying me stuff because it wasn't going to make me want to settle down with him.

Kilroy brought something up that I had never thought of. We were talking about one of the discussions on this board (we get into some fun conversations based on stuff from the boards)...the concept of what's demeaning and what isn't. I told him I've never heard a man come out and get indignant about anything being "demeaning". He told me that's not true. He told me that Hooters, strip clubs, prostitutes and gold diggers are incredibly demeaning to men. O_o I seriously thought the crack cookies had finally melted his brain. He said that he finds it demeaning and downright insulting when a woman is only nice to him and flirts with him because she's being paid to. I had never thought of that. I never thought that kind of thing mattered to men. Like I said, he never stops surprising me. :)
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Hi Fellow Hyborian reader:

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008

Hi Fellow Hyborian reader:

What gave me away? It was the name wasn't it? :smileytongue:

I am with Kilroy on this

"He said :that he finds it demeaning and downright insulting when a woman is only nice to him and flirts with him because she's being paid to."

I can definitely see his point but it really surprised me to hear a man say such a thing. I'm thinking this is a rare attitude considering the financial success and staying power of these kinds of businesses.

Although I do not find it demeaning it is frustration itself. Since I am homily. The main time i get attention is when some woman wants to sell me something. I feel demeaned when a hottie will want me to entertain her dog meat friend after flirting with me. I felt bait 'n' switched. The thing is: I would do it anyway just for the asking.

You hang out with some messed up people...not to mention the fact the women in question have about as much sophistication and finesse of a common neanderthal. When I go out with friend who isn't exactly a man magnet, I utilize my experience as a mistress of illusion and work my magic on her. If she's a hardcase, well that's what rufies and duct tape are for.

My upbringing is as a gentleman so doing the nice thing comes naturally to me.

Now I avoid those situations.

....And Kilroy just fell out of his chair laughing why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
I don't think there is really a whole lot of men or women that love being manipulated by their sexuality. Probably where the myths of the stripper with the heart of gold come into play.......or the "poor" girl working her way through college. Ideas that guys use to mask the straight business proposition of those places, self deception at best. For hooters......I liked the south park parody of them.....Never being Mr. hottie.....I've always been suspicious of that treatment....I know I have to talk and let my true nature show, before I'll ever in reality get that reaction.......When much younger I have been jumped by girls after intellectual discussions....there is a subset of women that get turned on by intelligence and empathy....mixed with a bad boy demeanor. Gold diggers & prostitutes are just as low on in my estimation....as their male equivalents.....The users and losers of the "human" race......Kilroy is quite right......about I'd say 50% of guys see it that way......dumb fake macho bs.....keeps it from being disdained more openly....peer pressure .....etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
I never really thought of it that way...Kilroy's the only guy in my social circle who has ever expressed that sentiment. The rest of my male friends are "Hell yeah, let's hit the strip club!" I guess we learn something new everyday. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009

Peer pressure affects guys just as much as gals.....sometime I think better'n half the dumb S*it guy's do is only because they don't want to be seen as a p*ssy by friends or especially girls.

The homosocial type guy seems more affected by it vs. the heterosocial type.

Women

Pages