Supportive or Destructive? You make the call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Supportive or Destructive? You make the call.
86
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 5:25pm

When a woman comes on this board expressing that her self-esteem is taking a beating when her significant other uses porn, what kind of comments give her the most moral support? Would it be most helpful to her to advise her to leave the relationship? To help her to learn to cope personally with his porn use? To help her motivate her SO to stop using porn? How about telling her how much all men love spending all day looking at really pretty, skinny,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 11:17pm
No offense, but this sounds more like a roast, rather than an actual discussion. It's clear you're trying to frame it that way, but using the same person's quotes for all of your examples is a little obvious. Many on here support porn and that's fine. Many on here are neutral towards it and that's fine. Many are against porn and that's fine too, because for all of the above they have a perspective, an opinion that's based on their experiences, knowledge and feelings.
The person that posted these in response was sharing how she felt on the issue, and yes her opinions are very strong, but they are her own and they should be respected. She wasn't attacking the original poster she was responding to, just providing her argument, which the original poster will either find helpful or not. That's true of any post. You help or you don't. You challenge or you alienate. You sympathize or you criticize. But unless you are truly being cruel and breaking someone down, why have an issue? We as human beings will always find something to disagree on, no matter who it is. You agree on one thing, you're so angry you want to strangle each other over something else.

My question to you is: Are you really trying to explore a topic of interest, or are you more interested in organizing a written assault on this person?

And I'm not necessarily saying I agree with everything this person said in this post, or on any past post, but she is entitled to say what she likes, just as you and I are, and everyone else on here. And I don't think it's fair (though, again you have the right to do so) for you to call this person out on something that we are all allowed and encouraged to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 5:12pm

First let me address LunarShadow’s comment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 1:34am

It wasn't my intent to make this thread about the contributions of a single individual. It just so happened that one individual provided a lot of good material in one easy-to-reach post. Several other posters provide similar comments, but it was easier to use comments that were all in one spot.

My intention was to discuss the impact of affirming a woman's feelings of "nothingness". To me it sounds something like: Poster: "I feel as if he hates the way I look and likes all these beautiful, fake women out there!" Response: "Yes, you're right. He's a man and men do hate the way you look and like all those beautiful, fake women out there." So...isn't that just nudging a woman over the brink instead of pulling her back from the edge? And isn't it doing so in service of an anti-porn agenda instead of an agenda in favor of the person posting? I see a difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sat, 05-21-2011 - 9:50pm

Glad my comments opened up good conversation MST. Although I do agree with Lunar that this is more of a roast then a discussion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 2:54am

It would be a lie to tell a woman that her man likes the fake women in porn for a couple of reasons. 1. We don't know her man. Every man has different tastes. Some men look at the same type of women consistently; some men seek a wide variety. Some men are merely browsing to figure out what they like; some men are looking for women who resemble the women with whom they are already involved in relationships. Some men are focusing on the sex acts, not the women. Some men (even married men)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 05-24-2011 - 9:48pm

MST, clearly there are certain women that are unfortunetly fetishized for whatever specefical attribute they possess. Such as you stated, thicker girls, girls with big breasts, girls with smaller ones..and so on. But stereotypically, most porn consists of girls in a very limited age range and body type. Majority of girls in porn are 18-25. Most have tight bodies, big breasts...most.

You are correct we don't know her man and that every man has different tastes. However, that does not change the fact that most porn fits a certain ideal and that since porn caters to men mostly, it's easy to see what men want the most of. I think I read that sites about teenagers in porn outnumber any other type. Lets not pretend porn is all about equality in women and celebrating different bodies types. Come on. I know you don't even beliee that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 2:18am
peaches31581 wrote:

MST, clearly there are certain women that are unfortunetly fetishized for whatever specefical attribute they possess. Such as you stated, thicker girls, girls with big breasts, girls with smaller ones..and so on. But stereotypically, most porn consists of girls in a very limited age range and body type. Majority of girls in porn are 18-25. Most have tight bodies, big breasts...most.

You are correct we don't know her man and that every man has different tastes. However, that does not change the fact that most porn fits a certain ideal and that since porn caters to men mostly, it's easy to see what men want the most of. I think I read that sites about teenagers in porn outnumber any other type. Lets not pretend porn is all about equality in women and celebrating different bodies types. Come on. I know you don't even beliee that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 10:22am

Hi everyone,

This is just a reminder to please be very careful when quoting

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 2:08pm

Coming out of lurk mode and jumping in here because this is actually a subject i know a little bit about due

Photobucket "If we cannot
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 05-26-2011 - 10:51pm

Was this reminder directed to me publicly

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