My boyfriend used to date a porn star

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2013
My boyfriend used to date a porn star
5
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 4:05pm

Hi,

I've been looking for a forum or message board to talk with other women who may be in a similar situation to mine.  I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, we've been living together for the past few months.  We love each other very much, are mostly happy together, and have pretty normal couple issues (our biggest one being that he moved halfway across the country to be with me, and greatly misses his two teenage daughters who still live with their mother).

However, one of the very first things I found out about him when we were getting to know each other was that his last serious relationship before me was with a porn star.  At the time, we lived hundreds of miles away from each other, and I never dreamed we would end up together! I even used to joke that I could never be with him after knowing that.

While we are very happy together, and I truly believe my boyfriend is very satisfied with me, I'm looking for other women in my situation because I wonder if everyone feels these twinges of insecurity now and then.  My boyfriend and I come from opposite ends of the spectrum sexually--he is extremely experienced and has had many partners; while other than him, I have only slept with one other man.  I am very adventurous sexually and I love trying all the exciting new things he continues to show me as our relationship progresses.

My boyfriend is very open about his past and so I know many details and stories about his relationship with Ms. Porn Star.  While I don't mind knowing, and I think talking about it to me helps him to move past former hurts (because, as you might expect, their relationship ended badly), I get so insecure sometimes, particularly when I happen to see a picture (or video...ew) of her.  I mean, this girl was gorgeous! I'm fairly attractive so this is a new feeling for me.  I wonder if my boyfriend gets bored being with a "normal" woman.   I also tend to expect things differently of him than I would other guys--for example in the beginning (and even sometimes still), I didn't give him much leeway with being jealous when other guys would hit on me.  How could he react so strongly, he must be used to it from having dated a porn star? 

Would love to hear from other women who have anything similar to share! Smile

Stardust Lucey

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 10:41am

What exactly are you insecure about?  Was it her looks?  I mean he could have dated beautiful women who were secretaries or teachers--would that be any better?  Was it her sexual experience?  You don't seem to be inhibited sexually & you're willing to try new things so I can't see why that would be a factor.  I think I'd look at things a little differently--you seem to be a little jealous of her, where I'd look at her with something more like disgust or pity that that's how she made a living--it's not like she had a lot of boyfriends cause she was a popular girl and they liked her--she got paid to have sex with men in movies.  I really wonder what your BF thought of this when they were together--how could he be with her in a relationship knowing what she was doing for work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2013
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 4:39pm

Hey Musiclover!

Thanks for writing back to me.  You gave me some good food for thought.  Yes, partly (maybe mostly?) I think it is her looks.  If I were attracted to women, she would be my ideal.  I'm usually not jealous of other women's looks (in fact I tend to focus on the negative as far as people's looks go, very bad habit of mine) but yes, her's I would say I am.  It's also just the "look" of a porn star that I think is attractive to my boyfriend, and maybe many men, I don't know.  BF has assured me that a lot of it is make-up and similar camera tricks, but it still feels like I (while not by any means unattractive) could never live up to such an ideal.

The other part of it I guess is twofold, maybe unrelated to each other.  One part is that he has told me that she was very skilled/good in bed, so I guess I feel like I can never compare or live up to that with my inexperience--although my boyfriend is very open about praising me for how "good" I am/we are together.  I suppose being good in bed doesn't necessarily come with being a porn star, although that's sort of how I have been thinking of it.

I guess I also sort of took for granted that BF would have thought of having a girlfriend who was a porn star as a status thing (a good thing), rather than being ashamed of it or upset by it.  I know Ms. P-S pushed them towards an open relationship, and I think she was taking a break from the industry while they were together.  I suppose it's hard to think of that as a bad thing, given how many guys watch porn! Maybe I buy into the hype too much myself.

Anyway, your response is much appreciated, thank you! Smile

Stardust Lucey

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 7:25pm

She is only better/prettier/blah blah blah-er than you if you allow her to be so in your mind--and you have the ultimate control over that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2014
Sat, 08-23-2014 - 7:12pm

I search for this specific topic because just two days ago I found out the man Im seeing used to have a fling with a porn actress. So everything was ok, until I realized that I could never be up to this challenge, he always posts pictures of porn starts like Pinky and others. So I decided that I will always think Im not good enough in bed for him. I always wanted to be the best that ever happen into a man's life, but I always found out there were others before me that did that. I guess Im always too late into people's life. Frown

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2014
Sat, 11-29-2014 - 2:40am

I have dated a porn star and not the local type but one that was in the top 10 worldwide rankings. I assure you they are much more difficult to date on an emotional level than any other woman I can think of. I would rather date a normal woman any day.