1 year relationship - am I crazy for contemplating giving this up?
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|Sat, 02-16-2013 - 11:45am|
Hello everyone! I just wanted your thoughts on something. Here's a little background on my story. :)
I've been with someone for about a year now. I'm 26 and he's 29. About 2 months into our relationship, he said he saw me as just a friend (even though we were like a couple), and he said he didn't want to lead me on, and he broke up with me. We got back together because I told him I wanted him to give it some more time because I know we had potential (at that point I knew he was scared of commitment). Five months after that, when I brought "us" up, he had a mini freak out and broke up with me and said I was just a really good friend to him and he said by then he would've known for sure whether he wanted to be with me or not. I was heartbroken and I told him we had to cut off all ties. After staying away from each other for a couple of weeks, he came back and said that he was sure about me and wanted to be with me and for the first time told me he was in love with me. Things have been great since then. We talk about the future. Sometimes we talk about hypothetical babies. We don't really talk about solid plans though.
As we're nearing the one year mark, out of the blue I started getting really depressed last week. I realized my mind's been wandering lately and I was noticing a serious lack of "romance" in the relationship (romance might be a fufu term - I just mean - I don't feel appreciated in the relationship). He never tells me I'm beautiful, he doesn't do anything special for me (even though he's there for me in all the little ways). I didn't really care about any of that stuff before, but somehow right now that's bothering me to the point where I'm thinking of my exs and thinking back to how lovely it was to have someone tell me that I was beautiful (pathetic as that sounds). I feel like I need some validation. That's where my worries started - and then it escalated. I realized we weren't really going anywhere with this relationship - I've never wanted to date someone for 5 years and then be engaged for another 3 years before getting married. While that works for someone people, I don't think it works for me. I want to either move in with the person and have solid plans for a future together. When I brought "us" up a couple of days ago, he said he knows he doesn't give me the attention I deserve - he said right now he's bogged down with work. And then he started bringing up problems that weren't problems right now - for example, he said he wants a dog in the future and I don't like dogs - and he said we're very different. And he asked me "do you think we're different?". It almost sounded like he was making up excuses why we wouldn't work long term. So I told him the reason I brought "us" up right now was not to discuss future problems, but to acknowledge our current problem - which was that I was feeling neglected in the relationship.
Right now we see each other 3-4 times a week. He always comes over when we hang out and stays at my place. He's helping his mom pay for her house, so right now he can't afford a place of his own (and it doesn't look it it's going to happen any time soon). He owns a business, so that's his top priority right now. I don't see him making any kind of solid commitment towards me, even if it is just to live together. I know he cares for me and loves me and won't ever cheat on me. He spends all his free time with me (which isn't much because he's always working). But I want something more. I'm his only best friend. Am I asking for too much if I tell him what I want? Would it be a terrible thing if I wanted to move on if he's not ready to be "my man" and come home to me every night? And most of all, am I dwelling on the romance aspect too much??
I know every person is different. Just wanted to see what other women thought about this.