Alone now for 2 wks/things are better :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2002
Alone now for 2 wks/things are better :)
13
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 4:05pm

I know many are even scared to read anything that I have to say because I have been so wishy washy.

~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:33am

You do what you want, not what others want you to do. It's about choice, always will be, always has been. If you want to go to the DA board, then do, but don't go because we (or I) said to or "made" you. You don't have to give your whole life history, and you don't have to post at all, just reading the posts will be helpful. If/when you want to join in, do so. But... as far as it being too hard to "start all over" with your history on a new board. I see a pattern. It was also too much work to "start over" with a new therapist, and I suspect too hard to "start over" with a new boyfriend. Who ever said you could get where you needed to be by taking the easy route? I don't know of anyone who's gotten anything that way. It takes work, kiddo. But again, if you're not up to doing the work, that's up to you. Inadequate therapy, inadequate help boards, inadequate boyfriends won't help you get to where you want and need to be. You can stay right where you are and continue to spin your wheels for the rest of your life if it's too hard to start over, but I ask you, at some point won't you look back and wish you'd made the effort knowing if you had you'd be happy now if you had? The easy way only seems like less work. Actually, it's more work as you continue to repeat the same ineffective process over and over instead of making the effort once and getting through with it.


You're still looking for the easy way, and there is no easy way out of this.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Living Together








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2002
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 10:29am

Yesterday, I decided to reread the book "Why does he do that?"

~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 11:28pm

I am glad that you finally know your boyfriend is abusive and that the relationship(s) you've been in are abusive as well. As a result I'm sure you've realized that your counselor is not appropriate or qualified to work with you (as if realizing your situation requires a specialized therapist isn't enough, but the fact that you've realized this from a book by an expert in the field -- that she loves but completely disregards in working with you), the very fact that you got it from a book rather than her should be drive that point home.


Since you realize this is abuse you also realize that this isn't a "couples" issue, it's an abuse issue and also recognize that the appropriate board for you is Dealing With Domestic Abuse board. Now that you realize it you can finally begin to deal with the appropriate issue in an appropriate way and finally heal as a result. I'm very happy for you, Myrinalyn.

be sure to start reading the links on the Domestic Abuse Board’s Homepage , there is so much there for you to learn. Even if it doesn't sound like specific articles apply, read them, you'd be surprised how much applies to you.


Congratulations. Now that you've made these realizations, you can finally get on the right road and stay there.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Living Together








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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