Hello all. I've seen several conversations started about this topic, each one having it's own spin, but now I feel the need to bring it back up and get some answers specific to my situation. You see, I feel that my boyfriend is addicted to porn, and it's tearing me up inside. When I first found out that he had porn I was really confused by my reaction. I was hurt and upset. These reactions confused me, because I've had boyfriends before that have had porn and I didn't think anything of it. I mean, I myself like to watch porn, and it was something that my previous boyfriends and I would partake in together. I have always been open about sex. But the difference here is he seems obsessed. He's got thousands . . . THOUSANDS, of pictures with naked women. I checked yesterday and he's downloaded over 200 videos. I am of the opinion that some erotic material here and there is fine and may actually help a relationship, but his obsession is destroying our relationship. I don't think of myself as a controlling person, but I find myself checking the history, or I'll do a computer search to see how many pictures he downloaded in one day, and it's really heartbreaking. Like I said, I've always thought of myself as open about sex, but I feel this is too much. I've talked to him about how I feel, and he says that the pictures make him want me more, because they don't compare to me. I say BULLS**T!!! I've told him that I didn't like it. He stopped for a while and then just started all over again. The more that I talk about it with him, the better he gets at hiding them. But I've found them time and time again. I've even gone so far as to delete them. Very bold right? I've never seen or heard him so angry before in my life. He said it was his business and didn't concern me. I asked him if he could just look at the material on a website, in an attempt to compromise. He refused. I don't know what to do. I feel miserable everytime I think about it. He literally can't stop. But to add insult to injury, why do I feel compelled to go look for it? It's not in my face. Why do I have to search hidden folders?
And there's more! Up until a week ago, he's been chatting and e-mailing females as if he weren't in a relationship. I first found out in month two of our relationship (about the same time I found out about his porn habit). He would go to on-line dating services and find girls/women to talk to. I stumbled across this e-mail and he was describing to the girl how he would kiss her if she were here with him. I couldn't believe it! My heart literally sank. When I confronted him about it he denied it. When I showed him the proof, he said that he would stop. That was back in March, now it's June and last week we were having that same discussion. He pleaded his case by saying that he wants to have a future with me, not those girls and that they lived so far away (like Toronto, Canada and we live in California), that nothing would happen anyway. Once again he said that he wouldn't do it again, but I'll never know since he unsaved the password for his AOL account. I've never been so insecure in a relationship, but he doesn't seem to understand how his actions perpetuate this. Maybe I'm just too nosey for my own good and all men go through these phases. All I know is that I'm getting so fed up that I am only a couple of steps away from calling it quits. Help!