Am I selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Am I selfish?
29
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 3:51pm

My husband and I both work and usually are off on the same days.Most of those days he goes and helps take care of his mother who is 50 miles away and overnight leaving us with very little time together and I also cook food for him and her which I also accomadate her dietary needs to eat.I understand it is something we have to deal with when we get older as far as taking care of our parents but I just resent it when he does it every week and changing our work schedules is not an option since all of our income is mostly made on weekends.Am I wrong in resenting this a little bit?He say how much people appreciate what I do but it would be nice if my he would take me out to dinner once in a while to show it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 4:32pm

Sorry about my last post,I was having a moment.We ended up going out to dinner for the first time in 3 months!Anyway to clarify some things our days off are pretty much the same and with the economy being tough the way it it and not having steady schedules year-round on both ends,we both have to work if any extra work

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 2:28am

I agree with Crab, your husband's stuck between a rock and a hard place and will feel he's doing wrong whatever he does.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 1:29pm

I think geo is very constructive in her approach and I agree :) It's important to stop focusing on "should" because A) you'll never be able to control his brain and B) you'll NEVER stop being resentful if you focus on what he "should" do. "Should" exists outside of reality. "Should" is fantasy. In fantasy-land, everyone would be able to read one another's minds, we wouldn't have to ask for what we want, we wouldn't have to put effort into making things better for ourselves, and things would just be easy. All you have to work with is what's possible.

You are focusing entirely on what you think your husband "should" do and what your husband "doesn't" do. I am afraid you are setting your husband up for failure so that no matter what he does, it will be a disappointment. When someone constantly sets you up for failure, you stop wanting to try to please them.

Maybe it's time to come up with something that he "can" do. If you want to go out with him, is there a particular week night that you could take off? If you can't think of something, can you ask HIM to propose a good time for a date with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 1:17pm

I read once that "should" is a dangerous word, because it makes us self-righteous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 1:05pm

I think the fair thing would be every other week,I don't think its too much to ask.Whens it come to the working thing its almost like he resents me for having him work because another he said was so that I don't sweat when I have a bad week but what disturbed about that statement was that its like he only works for my sake,I think he should want to be a man do it for himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 12:21pm

Can I be honest?

From your husband's perspective, he is in an impossible situation that he cannot win. I'm sure you are miserable too. But what do you REALLY want him to do? You want him to take you out more... But he is spending time helping his ailing mother and

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 12:12pm

Well DH and I got into a an arguement.It started when he couldn't find the new credit cards and automatically accused me of closing out the account(mind you over 20,000 in debt won't start another dicussion on that one)and of course I didn't.Then he said why are you so short with me lately and that I make him feel like a piece of s**t and I said so do I and then he asked

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 3:47pm

If he sells his house, will he expect to be given the mothr's house when she dies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 3:11pm

I was thinking the same thing when my husband said that but chose to keep my mouth shut.Another update:The brother(my husband is of a 9 kids) who has POA is going to sell his house and move back into the mothers house( he runs his own business so he can do this) and is going to get

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 1:17pm

Assuming that the house is hers, then I'd say the house is what guarantees enough money to pay for her care.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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