Anniversary Disaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Anniversary Disaster
8
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 12:21pm
Our two year anniversary is Monday. He decided that he wanted to make surprise plans for a night out away from the house, told me to shop for a floor length dress and plan on having fun. I made only one requirement. I did not want to go to a theme park. We live near Orlando and they are everywhere, I did not want to spend my anniversary near tourist attractions. I was hoping for something romantic.

I arranged for my daughter to spend the night at a friends. Shopped for two days looking for a dress. Bought two dresses, and when I tried them on for him and my daughter, the look on their faces said, this is not the dress. Two days later, after much looking and internet shopping,I bought the perfect dress. Though expensive, it was perfect and I was then informed that plans had changed. Rather than formal, we would be dressing casually and having fun. Three dresses now have to be returned, my time and hassle, not his. I mentioned that I was going to Daytona to shop for new jeans for our "casual and fun night," while we were at lunch. Oh, don't buy jeans, wear a dress, not a long dress mind you, something short. Okay so much for casual. Just don't let me end up at a theme park. The entire look on his face changed. He replied, we are not going to the carnival, we are going to Hard Rock Hotel, having dinner in their restaurant, and going bar hopping on a boat after. Where is all of this taking place? Universal Studios. The one and only place I mentioned I didn't want to go. A theme park. He later told me that he had even rented a limo to drive us to Universal Studios. Well our anniversary is ruined. We are going no where. He said that I hurt his feelings and cancelled all the plans. We have hardly talked to each other since, three days, and I am stuck with how to rectify this? Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 5:41pm
This is NOT a disaster unless you (both) let it be one. From what you have said, you have both made mistakes in this situation and you have both acted foolishly.

YOU have not given him credit for TRYING very hard to please you, and you have forgotten that "it's the tought that counts." Your reaction was way out of line and you owe him an apology.

Of course, HE is not blameless. You told him what you DIDN'T want, and instead of hearing you, probably because he had this "fantasy" plan in his head already, he went ahead with it anyway. He owes you an apology for making you run around, changing the dress requirements, and for not listening.

OK, you're both at fault. Talk about it, apologize, and quickly get to the point where you can laugh at yourselves (believe me, you are funny). BUT, you're in luck! Your anniversary is till a couple of days away. So, make some simple but romantic plans for Monday, and get back to being happy together.

This should not be a big deal.

Lee M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 8:04pm
I understand that you'd be disappointed, you specifically asked NOT to end up at a theme park, and he made plans to end up at a theme park - he either didn't listen or he decided it would be fun, anyhow. You've ended up spending some time picking the perfect clothes to wear. Now all the plans have been cancelled because both of you have had your feelings hurt by the other's response. Know what? This is not a deal breaker, this is a couple who just weren't on the same page making these arrangements. You feel he goofed big time, he feels you're ungrateful for the effort he put into this. So you have what, a stand-off? You have an imperfect situation, no more, no less. If you sit down and tell each other how you're really feeling and why, put on your thinking caps and come up with a NEW game plan for your night out. It can be that way, don't let this ruin what should be a very nice day, anniversaries are supposed to be special. Try to put this situation into perspective, how important is it really that he didn't listen too well? You didn't say that he "goofs" like this regularly, right? Down the road you'll likely think this was pretty tame and probably appreciate the fact that he came up with any game plan at all. People disappoint one another all the time, just ask me what my DH got me for my birthday last week!!! If he doesn't break the ice, you do it, but somebody do it!

 


~~joannaran~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 10:01pm
Unfortunately, there will be no plans for our anniversary. We are staying home. He has made plans to work Monday, instead of taking the day off, and I will be spending my day taking back the three dresses that I bought. I guess he feels that the original plan for the theme park was not good enough for me, so we are not doing anything else. I really don't understand what he is blaming me for. I specifically said I did not want to go to a theme park, and that is what he made plans to do. Oh well, guess in the future I have to go with whatever game plan he decides on, or end up at odds like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 11:34am
here's a thought, if its not too late: why go for the *all or nothing* routine? marriage is about compromise, and consideration. you reacted one way, after he had gone thru all that work. he didn't listen/hear what you wanted. whatever - you REALLY should deal with the communications and all that.

BUT--- it would be a shame to throw away the baby with the bathwater. you have three new outfits - how about going out to dinner, just the two of you? or, if you can have the children sleep elsewhere - you could prepare a nice romantic dinner etc etc. it would be a shame, IMHO, to take your wishes and desires, and your DHs good intentions and just throw it all away *because it wasn't good enuf*.

one thing i learnt in life - life is too short to waste time on trivialities. honestly....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 6:27am
I agree with SK. One of you has to be the adult in this situation. Take the dresses back to the store. If the option to bring the child to a relative is still open, do that. Then prepare a lovely romantic dinner at home, complete with champagne. Many grocery stores have fancy prepared meals you can but already cooked - very little work - and find a good bakery and get a decadent dessert. Surprise him when he gets home.

This isn't about winning or losing, and it isn't about giving in. It's about making your anniversary something special. You were both at fault for present situation. It doesn't matter who makes up for it first - just that SOMEONE does.

(By the way, in case he's thinking the same thing, just laugh and decide between you which option to take).

Lee M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 9:41am
While I agree with the other women posting that you should give him credit for *trying* and going through all this "work," I have to say, I'm coming down on your side a lot more than on his. You said from the beginning that you didn't want to go to a theme park. He should have respected that. And I have to wonder if this trip to Universal Studios was really what he had in mind from the beginning, because why would he suggest that you buy a floor-length dress for an evening at the Hard Rock? It doesn't make sense. I don't feel bad for him at all. It looks like you're the one trying to please him, and you're getting no compromise from him at all. My God - three dresses!!!!!!!!

Good luck - I hope your day is still somewhat happy. But don't feel guilty...if you don't want to spend your anniversary at a theme park, you shouldn't have to!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 10:54pm
Well, the anniversary was a disaster. Sorry, but this was not my fault, and I refuse to accept that it was. I did not want to go to a theme park, and that was my only stipulation for ANY plans he wanted to make for the day or two days. Someone mentioned his trouble and all his work, I should appreciate. I am sorry, but how long does it take to make two phone calls. One to the hotel, and one to the restaurant. I spent three days looking for a dress that was something he liked. Then had to take all three back. HE did not want other plans. I suggested that we go with the original "dress up" night. He answer was that "he made plans and if I did not feel he was responsible enough to make plans for our anniversary, CANCEL EVERYTHING." Yeah, we will get over it. I just hope that he understands how inconsiderate his intentions were by planning the ONLY thing that I did not want to do. Besides, could you imagine arriving at the Hard Rock Hotel in formal attire anyway?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 1:11pm
I'm sorry to hear that.... I wish things could have worked out differently for you, it didn't.... hugs