Another women giving my husband a bday gift

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Another women giving my husband a bday gift
14
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 4:48am

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone else would find this inappropriate , My husbands bday was a couple weeks ago and he brings home from work a big bottle of wine,two discount restuarant cards and a personal bday card addressed to him from his female co worker. So dh is like oh look what B----- got for me for my bday. Well I was really surprized since they worked together for couple of yrs and she never gave him a bday gift let alone a bday card before. I said why all of the sudden is she making a big fuss over your bday? dh says oh i dont know ,to be nice ,I guess. I said to dh ,dont you find this alittle too personnal,weird ? especially never making a fuss over him before. I started to slowly get pissed off,especially because dh was kinda had an attitude twords me like,(rubbing  this in my face alittle) I will be very honest I felt like dh and this women were kinda trying to tell me something,,like they had something going on with each other. Its hard to explain,I just felt like well now what do I do with this "in your face " kinda brassing move on both their parts. I know it just sounds really crazy,jealous ,paranoid on my part,but it left me with a real weird feeling,If I am absolutly over reacting with this gift thing I am courious to know. I feel like this women crossed the line ,and she knows dh is a married man. In the bday card she gave him, she says how great guy he is and thanks for being a good co worker ,and thanks for just being you,real mussy kinda stuff ,and hopes he enjoys the gift cards to go out to eat..... she never mentions ,oh you and your wife have a nice dinner on her ,like something like that would of been ok ,but I guess I was really feeling jealous or I am just really over reacting about this whole thing.Am I wrong to feel this way?? this weekend he has plans to visit his adult son,who lives outta town,and he is gonna stay over night,it just is making me sick and wondering??? I asked dh if there was anything going on,and tried to explain how I felt ,uncomfortable about this women doing that,he got real defensive and yelling. oh and signs the card ,Lv always,---- Is this inappropriate or is it just me acting like a jealous wife??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 3:38pm

Well the "Thanks for being you" does sound kinda mushy to me. And for me It would also rasie a red flag that she hasn't paid any mind to his B day in the past and now gets him all these gifts and signs the card "love always"  It all seems flirty to me and I'd be a bit concerned if i were you. I could be wrong but it sounds like this female co worker might have a crush on you husband. But what I'd be curious about is this. Does she do this for other co workers (male or female) or is it JUST your H that she bought gifts and a card for? I guess it's possible that she could have just decided to be more generous and appreciative of her co workers this year and start doing this. But if that's not the case then she's being awful sweet to your H for some reason and I'd keep an eye on the situation. Good Luck

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 2:32pm

duff41 wrote:
<p>Hi, I was just wondering if anyone else would find this inappropriate , My husbands bday was a couple weeks ago and he brings home from work a big bottle of wine,two discount restuarant cards and a personal bday card addressed to him from his female co worker. So dh is like oh look what B----- got for me for my bday. Well I was really surprized since they worked together for couple of yrs and she never gave him a bday gift let alone a bday card before. I said why all of the sudden is she making a big fuss over your bday? dh says oh i dont know ,to be nice ,I guess. I said to dh ,dont you find this alittle too personnal,weird ? especially never making a fuss over him before. I started to slowly get pissed off,especially because dh was kinda had an attitude twords me like,(rubbing  this in my face alittle) I will be very honest I felt like dh and this women were kinda trying to tell me something,,like they had something going on with each other. Its hard to explain,I just felt like well now what do I do with this "in your face " kinda brassing move on both their parts. I know it just sounds really crazy,jealous ,paranoid on my part,but it left me with a real weird feeling,If I am absolutly over reacting with this gift thing I am courious to know. I feel like this women crossed the line ,and she knows dh is a married man. In the bday card she gave him, she says how great guy he is and thanks for being a good co worker ,and thanks for just being you,real mussy kinda stuff ,and hopes he enjoys the gift cards to go out to eat..... she never mentions ,oh you and your wife have a nice dinner on her ,like something like that would of been ok ,but I guess I was really feeling jealous or I am just really over reacting about this whole thing.Am I wrong to feel this way?? this weekend he has plans to visit his adult son,who lives outta town,and he is gonna stay over night,it just is making me sick and wondering??? I asked dh if there was anything going on,and tried to explain how I felt ,uncomfortable about this women doing that,he got real defensive and yelling. oh and signs the card ,Lv always,---- Is this inappropriate or is it just me acting like a jealous wife??</p>

Is your husband prone to allow inappropriate behavior to take place from women he works with or knows already?  Are things in your marriage such that he could seriously entertain investing his feelings with someone he works with?

Yes, it's a bit inappropriate and yes, you're acting like a jealous wife. 

You could take the items, go up to his job with them and file a complaint with his HR department over her conduct with your husband if you feel it's that egregious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 1:07pm

I agree with Musiclover12. Getting a gift from a co-worker of the opposite sex isn't necessarily inappropriate. Your husband could have been helpful in a legitimate professional capacity--helping her land a commission, bonus or promotion or otherwise making a difference. It's good policy to reward those who assist you.  However, signing "Love always" does raise a red flag for me. That is definitely odd in a work setting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 10:57am

I think that when women have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it often turns out to be correct.  I don't think the idea of a birthday gift from a co-worker is always wrong and it's not overly personal but the signing "love always" and mushy notes is odd--it's not professional.  If she wrote something like "I appreciated all your help when we were working on the X project" that would be more normal for colleagues.  I wouldn't think she would have to say "take your wife out to dinner" just because she knows he is married.  I also think your DH was inconsiderate to throw it in your face.  Have you felt before that he might cheat on you?  Now my exH used to tell me about girls coming into his store & trying to flirt with him but I actually thought it was kind of funny because I always had 100% trust that he would never cheat on me.  If I was suspicious of him, then I probably wouldn't have thought it was too funny.

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