Awkward situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Awkward situation
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 5:42pm
Is it wrong if a sister in law gives daily shoulder massages to her sister's husband? Its a very confusing sitation?? When do you draw the line to prevent misunderstandings and jumping to conclusions. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 9:50pm
Depends on how far it goes. Sounds to me like she may be a little envious of you. But then again I could be wrong. If its really bothering you then I would talk to her. I've found letting things boil inside of you is the quickest way to disaster. Trust me, I'm in a mess of my own right now. Is she flirty when she gives him the massages? Or just doing it to be nice, eh? I would say something. It doesn't sound right. If I had a sister that was doing that.. I'd definitely say something to her. Not to hurt her feelings, but just to let her know I don't feel very comfortable with the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 6:51am
It's not clear whether this is YOUR sister and your husband, or your sister-in-law and HER brother-in-law, or some other combination. The reason it makes a difference is that if it's not YOUR husband we're talking about, then it's none of your business and my advice is to stay out of it.

If it IS your husband, then you have to ask yourself whether it just bothers you on the face of it, or if your husband gives you any reason to WORRY that something is going on or COULD go on. If the latter is true, then it isn't the behavior that's the problem, it's your level of trust, and that's a whole different kind of advice.

If the former is true, then you need to sit down with your husband and CALMLY explain that this behavior bothers you. You will have to explain why, and the more details you can give, the better. The solution you want to ask for is that he simply decline the invitation every once in a while at first, then gradually stop (so as not to insult or hurt the sister-in-law). An alternative would be to ask her to teach you to do it, so you could perform this for your husband yourself. She can hardly refuse, particularly if you approach her with compliments about how much he enjoys it and how it helps him relax. You might even combine the two approaches.

If there is any reluctance on her part to give this up, you can keep smiling (believably, of course), and say that it would be wonderful gift from her to give a skill that brings your husband so much pleasure, and ask why she would want to deny that to you.

I'm sure you get the picture. The sweeter you are, the better you look and the worse she looks if she doesn't comply. Strategy is the name of the game.

Lee M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 2:26pm
if it is confusing you, then you feel guilty and it is wrong JMO
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:42pm
Once? Ok. Daily? No way. She's got an agenda...unless of course, she's also giving massages to everyone else in the vicinity, in which case, please give her my number.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 9:03pm
It should stop if the wife has a problem with it, if it is given as a means to immoral ends, if it is giving the husband the wrong impression, or if it is meant to create an awkward situation between the sisters (i.e. I know how to bring pleasure to your man that you don't know how to). I agree with Mac that it is inappropriate done on a daily basis, or if it is only done to him and not anyone else. Then it is obviously a way for the sister-in-law to come in improper physical contact with her sister's husband, and it should stop immediately. Sooner if she is not a licensed masseuse.