Becoming very depressed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2008
Becoming very depressed...
13
Sun, 04-24-2011 - 9:19pm

I didnt really know where to post this, so I'll try here. forgive me if its in the wrong area!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 12:23am

Carryyouhome, you haven't posted on this board before, but you posted about your situation on the Toxic Relationships board last August and I think it's very important for those who are replying to you here to have that history and information so that they can get a better feel for your situation and history. I also think it's important for you to have the opportunity to read your previous post again.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 12:34am

From your previous post on the Toxic board to your post today, a lot is the same.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 11:25am

I can definitely relate to the weight issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 11:50am

I will address #2... Your husband is unhappy with how much you weigh, and since he doesn't see you doing anything to change it, he feels like he needs to make it a constant issue.

I'm not saying he's right for doing this. I'm just saying that's WHY he's doing it. He thinks he's going to make you lose weight by making mean comments at you.

Maybe you should tell him that the teasing and comments make you want to GIVE UP on losing weight. Tell him how you DO want him to support you in the absence of teasing.

If you are serious about losing weight, you will do it for yourself - NOT because picking on you is an effective way to push you into doing something he wants you to do. I'm sorry he's so insensitive. I hope he doesn't actually make comments about you when you're naked - To judge you like that when you are totally vulnerable like that would be downright awful of him.

Unfortunately you are dealing with a very difficult reality. I can't sugar coat it... Your husband may actually love you, but he's definitely not attracted to you, and it's because of your weight. It sucks, but that's the reality you're up against.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope your husband becomes more supportive, you don't deserve the treatment he's giving you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 3:47pm

Exactly what crabby said. Picking on you and making mean comments will do nothing but discourage you from losing weight. What he should be doing is encouraging you. You may not be up to starting a full out exercise regimen if you not used to exercising at all. But you could also encourage him to help you by asking him to take a nice long walk after dinner every evening with you. It would be a start and most people can't lose weight by just dieting alone, so if you could just gradually start walking and do some other small things, such as no snacking in the evening after your walk. If you could lose just 10 pounds with a few small changes in your daily regimen, that 10 pound loss could encourage you to keep going and loss more. Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 7:11pm
Gosh, I am sorry you are having trouble in your marriage. It can be painful when we feel our husbands do not accept us for who we are. My dh had always had the difficulty of looking at other women when we are out. It is just never a glance, but constant looking at someone, especially if the woman walks by us more than once. Some say this is normal and not a big deal, however it always makes me feel less than attractive. Especially since every woman he looks at has long dark hair/ brown eyes and I have neither!

As for your weight, only you can lose weight for YOU, it can't be for your dh, to please him.

I don't have any advice, but my heart goes out to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 8:31pm

This question is really for everybody, not just you, Crab.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 1:14pm

No after reading that one, I would say this is just a terrible marriage--since in the previous post she said he was jealous and controlling, he's probably making the comments about her weight to instill low self esteem making her think that no other man would ever want her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 1:19pm

I just read it recently. I agree it's a downright terrible marriage that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I don't have advice that can fix it because it would require something impossible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2008
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 11:39pm

Hmm, maybe I best go back and read! I know I posted before and I remember the basics of it. But I know I wrote while I was upset and also, I used to get emails when I'd get a reply. that never happened, so I guess they changed something!! I thought no one wrote me!

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