Beginning of the end......

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Beginning of the end......
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 10:16pm

Hubby and I always agreed that we'd never let his son (13 yrs) from a previous marriage come between us. That all changed tonight. Hubby has "suddenly" decided to make SEVERE changes to the visitation schedule that I am NOT ok with. He won't budge and has given me nothing but ultimatums and firm statements that it is his WAY or nothing. I am left with no options. I won't be TOLD how I am going to live my life. We agreed that we'd work "together" on how often the kid visits, etc. Hubby has decided he wants more and is completely dis-regarding my feelings all together. He is actually disregarding me and our marriage all together. It has come down to it being either his way or we are through....or at least that is where it is going. I told him we should TALK about what we can do to find a way for us to both be happy with the situation. He will NOT discuss it. He says there is NO negotiation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 12:37am

Hi Elfling, I understand

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 5:39am
Like the other reply says, I can understand being upset about being left out of the decision making process. But it sounds like you also have a big problem with the fact that he will be spending more time with his son and that isn't unfair, in my opinion. It sounds like even if he had involved you in the decision making process, you still would have strongly objected to the amount of additional time he'll be spending with his son.

I'm curious, would you still have married him (or even dated him) if he had had full custody of his son? Because then the son be around almost all the time and that doesn't sound like something you could handle. But you should have considered the fact that this could always be a possibility.

I'm sorry but when you marry someone with a child (or children), you have to accept that the child is a huge part of your spouse's life. If you're not okay with the child being a huge part of your life too, you shouldn't have married a parent. If you want to share your life with this man, you have to share your life with his son too. I don't think he's doing anything wrong by wanting to spend more time with his own son and I don't see how the son is going to "ruin your life". Ever consider that maybe the son feels you are ruining HIS life by trying to restrict the amount of time he has with his dad?

There's probably a reason your husband went ahead and did this without speaking to you first. He knew you wouldn't be happy about it and would probably try to prevent it. Maybe he feels that your expectations about how much time he spend with his son are unfair and too restrictive. Based on some of your choice of words, I can't help but feel your husband is well within his rights to finally be putting his foot down on this and making his son to be a bigger part of his life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 08-20-2011 - 1:52am

Welcome to the board, Elfling ~

Understand that the responses you're receiving are based on what seems to be the case based on what you posted.

~ cl-2nd_life