Best medium for communication when "fighting"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Best medium for communication when "fighting"
51
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 5:45pm

I know one size doesn't fit all but my gf and I have learned that the ONLY way for us

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
I understand the texting thing, as sometimes I feel it's easier for me to write my thoughts than to speak them.

Usually when we "fight" (we never yell or get in each other's faces), or have an issue, the person who is more calm and less upset tries to work with the other person.

If I'm the one who is more angry or bothered, I have a tendency to shut down, and turn emotions inward, and he gently nudges things out of me.

If he is the one who is upset, he is either angry about everything and very negative, or he wants to get away from everything. I'm very good now at riding whichever wave with him, letting him vent or rage, then listening when he gets to the thing actually bothering him. If he is upset in a way that makes him want to get away, I either let him get some air on his own, or I accompany him on a walk or bike ride to release some physical energy.

If the unfortunate circumstance occurs where we are both really pissed off with each other (which is rare) one of us either tries to be reasonable, or I avoid as he becomes sarcastic. Which for the most part means we have to separate to clear our heads before we can talk about it and make up.

Luckily for us, we always do resolve things. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Continuing on from my previous post to Glenn, I have to say I wouldn't communicate about anything important via text.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

It seems to me that fighting via text isn't resolving anything or learning to deal with problems at all.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

Perhaps it's

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
We do the email thing. I don't feel like it is a monologue... it is a chance to be heard in our entirety, read and reread if necessary, and responded to with care and patience. We don't normally argue but if one of us has something to say, email works for us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

I can understand locking up when under pressure from a stranger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
DH and I never "disagree" via text message. We've had intense, emotionally charged conversations in emails, but not in IM or text messages.
My preferred method of discussing and issue, because we don't 'fight', is face to face. I've read that more than 60% of human communication is non-verbal, and you can't get those clues from the written word.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009

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