BF jealous and rude about my sexual history. Worth it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
BF jealous and rude about my sexual history. Worth it?
35
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 10:21pm
Relationship is fairly new - 4 or 5 months. He sleeps over at my house every night, and we spend a lot of time together. We have similar goals, challenging each other intellectually, and enjoy each other's company.

The problem: I have a very open attitude about sex, used to experiment a lot, have had male and female experiences, and used to party and occasionally hook up with people when I was in college. He has only had sex with girlfriends. This wouldn't be a problem at all except that he is EXTREMELY jealous and hurtful when he brings up my sexual history. I refuse to answer questions about it now because he uses the information only as ammo. He will point out strangers and say things like, "Oh did you f*@% him?" Or will ask if I've "Sucked off his dick" if I mention any male friend. He will hurl judgemental, sharp questions about my history until I'm in tears.

I'm not ashamed of my history. I learned a lot about myself, am STD free, and enjoyed most of it. I have been 100% faithful to my boyfriend, and I don't communications with exes or flirt with old hookups. He says he doesn't know how to stop himself from being jealous.

What do I do? Everything else but this is fine in our relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Goodness, I never cease to be surprised at the behaviours people tolerate in their partners.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
I'm starting to feel like it can be a dealbreaker for me too. *sigh*
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the boar, Cowgirltrainwreck ~

I totally agree with Blue.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Thanks 2nd_life. He did indeed ask about it. I've never really asked him any questions about his. In my past relationships, the people who were the most jealous were the ones who were being shady themselves, so I was afraid he was hiding things. I snooped in his phone a month ago to see if he was still talking to any exes. He wasn't, and I found nothing suspicious. I think that was intrusive and wrong of me to look, and I told him about it and have apologized. I feel like it's just emotional immaturity and insecurity on his part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

I don't know about emotional immaturity.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Something else to consider:

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
I could reiterate all the valid things everyone else has said but instead I'll just say that I would not spend another minute in the presence of someone who spoke to me that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

In spite of the good you may have together, if he can't treat you with respect, he is not the right person for you. Or anyone. You have done nothing wrong and you don't deserve to feel like a villain for what you've done in the past.

Tell him to get therapy and call you in a few years if he is over his insecurity problems. Then lose his number. A 4-5 month relationship isn't a significant investment in your life and you should be able to walk away without feeling like your life is ending. Lose this guy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
I've suggested talking with a professional about it before, but he didn't seem particularly interested in trying that. You're right that the amount of time in this relationship isn't that significant. I've never even made it to a year before (I'm 23, he's 25 - youngins, I know) because I've always been very quick to cut ties if I see something I don't like.
I hadn't considered the Best Behavior thing before. That makes it feel a little more hopeless to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

"I've suggested talking with a professional about it before, but he didn't seem particularly interested in trying that. "

Then it's pretty clear his intent isn't to take responsibility for his own problem, so his only plan is to continue to demean and devalue you while hiding under this "I don't know what to do" nonsense. "I don't know how to stop being jealous" is a nicer way of saying "I don't feel like doing what it takes to be a better person"

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