BF talks to his Mom about our sex life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
BF talks to his Mom about our sex life
7
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 9:45pm
Hello. I have a little problem. My boyfriend talked his Mom about our sex life and I said it is something that should be between only us. He got upset and was saying I was saying he shouldnt talk to his mom about stuff. I explain what I meant but he doesnt seem to find it a problem if he talks about it and that he has a good relationship w/ her. How can I get him to understand my point better? They talked about how I said I didnt want to have intercourse anymore til We got married. I think it is none of her business. what should I do? Do you think I'm over reacting? Thank you to those who reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 12:46am
And are you as protective of your relationship as you expect him to be? Have you never discussed your sex life, or other relationships with your girlfriends or others? If you have, and I think that it's extremely likely, then you're being hypocritical in trying to restrict him in ways that you, yourself, are not willing to abide.

Mac

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 3:54am
No, you're not overreacting in this case. Your sex life IS none of his mother's business, it's just too intrusive into your marriage!!! Surely he knows better than to confide such personal stuff, but if not, it's time for him to learn what boundaries are and use them.

 


~~joannaran~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 5:24am
I have only discussed sex w/ my partner, my doctor(as in what birth control etc), and the internet if need advice on something (I also tell him I'm going to) I feel it is private b/t the couple. I was shocked when I found out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 6:36am
I think you ought to be very cautious about going ahead with your marriage until you have established with your boyfriend what is and is not acceptable when it comes to his relationship with his mother. My sister is married to a man who is very close to his mother and it has caused all sorts of problems in their relationship and she often wonders if she would have been better off had she broken it off with him way back when. Not to say that your issues are going to develop into something bad, but just that in-law problems can escalate to the point where you wished you never met the guy and it's best to establish boundaries for all parties long before your trip down the aisle.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Pebbles xox

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 9:43am
The wife & I are as close as can be to our mothers, and sometimes we slip a little talk in here and there about our bedlives too. However, we do set limits and are extremely sensitive to how the other feels about how much is exposed. I'm obviously referring to that line of respect for one another REGARDLESS how close the 'parent' relationship is.

If YOUR relationship isn't close enough for him to acknowledge your need to keep your private lives "sacred" and not shared with anyone else, then its time to do some thinking and even consider a bit of counseling to help determine/reveal/discuss just exactly what the levels of respect truly are here.

I'm only speaking from previous experiences between me & wife some time ago, and now we're the best of trusting and respectful friends. Good luck to you, and don't think for one darn minute that you're overreacting...uh uh!

hubby para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 2:34pm
That's kind of weird... In once sense, I agree with reply #2. I think it's alright for people to discuss their relationship with people that are close to them. On the other hand, the fact that it's his mom makes it rather weird for you.

Ultimately, I think it is about respect. Maybe you can sit down with him and explain why exactly it is important to you not to have him discuss this with his mom. Is it embarassing to you, it makes you feel awkward being around his mom, etc etc. Then ask him why he thinks its important to discuss these issues with his mom. I think if he understand what is really behind your thoughts he will realize that he should respect you.

But definitely this is something you want to explore and talk about before marriage! Not just this particular issue, perhaps, but how involved his mom is going to be with your guys' marriage and future relationship, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 3:15pm
I think the bottom line in this issue is if you are both totally comfortable with him talking about it with anybody at all, then fine. But if either of you thinks it's out of bounds, then that needs to be respected. She's uncomfortable with it, end of story. It's not like it HAS to be talked about with his mother, there are five zillion OTHER topics they can talk about 24/7. NOT discussing this with his mother for his partner's sake is a great deal more important than DISCUSSING it with his mother because she wants to.

 


~~joannaran~~