iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 3:38pm
Saturday night my bf's ex (who is constantly sending him text messages but he just ignores them) sent him this message she talks about how she wants them to make plans to spend the weekend together (the one coming up in 4 days) and she'll talk to him later w/more details when it gets closer to the weekend. My bf and I have been together off and on for the past 2 years and been back on again for almost the past 10 months. We have been doing some fighting lately and talking a lot of breaking up (only when we're angry) but now I don't know what exactly to do about next weekend. I told him that if he's not here next weekend (we live together) that we're through and he will start paying rent. He doesn't have anywhere to go right now so I would let him stay until he could find a place (I'm a nice person and can't just throw him out b/c as well we've got 6 dogs together and he's taking 3...besides I have a heart and do care for his well-being). Anyway, he would stay there but would be paying me rent if he's not home next weekend and he's with her instead. If he chooses to be with her I'm gone and I'll be single. This is his last chance for this to work between us and as soon as we're done he's out of my life forever. I love him very much despite everything and will always have that place for him in my heart but if he chooses not to be home next weekend or anyday for that matter while we're still together he knows that we will be over. I expressed this to him Saturday night after I saw the message and explained to him what would happen if he weren't home. What does anyone else think about this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 5:08pm
Holy crap....SIX dogs!! Girl, I have 2 and I thought that was a lot! LOL. Hope they're little dogs, not big ones. :)

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I think he WILL go with his ex this weekend. If he didn't want her text messaging him, (is it on a cell or e-mail), he would change his number or username, or whatever. Then he wouldn't *have* to ignore them, because he wouldn't *get* them in the first place. He oviously isn't ready to have her out of his life.

But I think you should break up with him regardless of whether he goes or not. If you're always fighting and threatening to break up, then it's not a healthy relationship. And if you DO break up with him, I don't think it's a good idea to let him stay there. I'm sure he could *find* places to stay....with his ex maybe? I think if you let him stay you will change your mind. It *always* happens. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 2:01am
Welcome back Queen21angel. Unless I missed it, nowhere in your post do you indicate that your boyfriend has expressed interest in hooking up with his ex, you say he ignores her instant messages and say she suggests getting together on the weekend, but not that he's planning that. Is he? Also, is this the same guy you posted about in June of 2002?

Let us know -- I'll be back tomorrow to respond to your answers.


"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 3:07am
I'd ask the same question as 2nd_life...if he ignores her messages, then how do either of you know what this latest one said? And if by "ignore" you men he doesn't respond to them and has expressed no interest then why do you feel threatened by this invitation?

Also, if he did go to see her this weekend, I think that you'd be extremely foolish to stay in the same place with him, rent or no rent, for one second longer. If you stay, then one of two situations would exist...1) your former BF, who's dating the ex he unceremoniously dumped you for would be living with you. That situation would be miserable at best and probably lead to a lot of torment. Or 2) he'll just use her for sex and although you'll act suitably angry for a while, you'll eventually weaken and start sleeping with him again. Personally, I think it will be the latter as you're obviously not willing to get him "out of your life" even if he openly cheats on you...using the dogs as an excuse to keep desperately clinging to him.

Let's see how it goes.