boyfriend making it hard to decide what to do for holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
boyfriend making it hard to decide what to do for holidays
10
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 5:35pm

Me and my boyfriend will be together a yr in January.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Honestly I think if you are just dating, even though you have been together a year, you don't have to celebrate the holidays w/ each other's families if it means missing your own family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Starzzglo, you've had more than your share of problems with this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

If your relationship works out, you will wind up married and having lots of years ahead of you to decide whose family to spend what holiday with.

If it doesn't, you'll regret not spending more time with your own kin.

Go your separate ways for the holiday, then reconvene as a couple afterward and exchange gifts. It doesn't have to be a big deal. You might want to assume that his family knows he has other things going on but if he wants to spend the whole day with his family, so what? Let him do it, you'll have your time with him later on. If you are this fussy now, things will get a lot harder.

" If he won't go to my family and wants to go seperately how do I handle it because I will be extremely upset?"

...By being a big girl?

Seriously, you are DECIDING to be upset. You don't have to be. Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

Starzzglo, I think you are

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Are there other posts from the same person? I wonder if maybe you see something i don't...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

Hi, Crabby! Merry Christmas!

This is one of the other posts that I know of:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Relationship-Problems/odd-behavior-from-boyfriend/m-p/117603341#M45040

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Star,

I hope you got through the weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Thanks for the link, it was enlightening! Merry Christmas to you too :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thanks for posting the previous link, Geo!

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Welcome back, Starrzglo and sorry for the belated reply. I'm glad Geo posted the link to your previous post, it really helps to get a broader, better perspective on the situation and with that responses that answer the bigger picture. Without knowledge of your previous post I would have said that your best move would have been to spend Christmas eve and Christmas day with your family and leave him to spend his time with his. I would also have suggested you put some serious thought into the fact he's not willing to compromise and what that means to you in regard to the future. Refusal to compromise means your wants, needs and preferences are never considered. Being aware of other issues and problems you've had with him this Christmas problem is just one more serious item of concern in your relationship. Each of these things you've posted are individually strong reasons to end the relationship in favor of yourself, your right to a healthy, appropriate, caring relationship, to what should be what you expect as a minimum rquiuirement for a relationship. You deserve better. Staying only adds to the hurt and damage that's done to you. I hope you make a better choice for yourself, and I hope it's one you won't compromise on.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_