boyfriend slept in same bed with another girl!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2011
boyfriend slept in same bed with another girl!?
6
Sat, 04-23-2011 - 2:49pm

My boyfriend of 10 months recently went on a weekend trip to Santa Barbara. He went with his family, but he has some really close friends who go to college up there, so he was planning on staying with them. One of his closest friend up there is this girl he was close friends with in high school. they still talk pretty often and hang out whenever she's in town. I've never officially met her, but we;re friends through the internet. He;s wanted me to meet her, but everytime i've just had something going on. anyway, she has an apartment with a couple roommates.

So of course, being a college town, they go out to the bars and party for the weekend. There are other people with them including some guys and some other girls. I guess they all go back to this girls apartment and crash there. I expected this, no problem. I didn't want him driving anywhere drunk anyway.

He is really good about calling me the whole weekend, and he always texts me when he's hanging out with her alone. But when he gets back, he's complaining about his back, and I ask if it's because he had to sleep on the floor. He says no. He said the first night him & this girl passed out on the guest bed, and the second night they passed out on the couch, which was not comfortable. then later that night, she woke him up and took him to the guest bed to be more comfortable. He assures me that nothing happened whatsoever. He keeps saying how he was too drunk to even walk, so he couldn't have done anything like that. He says she has a boyfriend and that he would never do anything like that anyway.

P.s. he hhas told me that right before we started dating, this girl started to really really like him, but he told her he was interested in someone else.

I trust him, I just don;t understand why he would put himself in a situation like that that would make questions come up. Also, i think it is really weird that she would not sleep in her own bed...and that they happened to "sleep together" (but nothing sexual happened) BOTH nights.

\\am i wrong to feel disrespected and uncomfortable with this??When he told me this I started wondering about their past, all the sudden...i just know that there's alot of guys that I've been strictly friends with that i secretly wanted to be with given the chance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 04-23-2011 - 3:13pm

I think it's inappropriate when you are in a relationship to be sleeping in a bed w/ a person of the opp. sex even if "nothing happened."

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 04-23-2011 - 10:57pm

Welcome to the board, Ceeaychem ~

Does he usually sleep with her when he stays there or is this a matter of being very drunk and crashing?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 04-24-2011 - 6:01pm

I would be really pissed off.

The bottom line for me is this: Is he willing to promise that he won't end up in the same bed as another woman (no matter how drunk he was) again?

I would have serious problems with a guy who got too drunk to walk so he crashed in the same bed as another girl.

"Also, i think it is really weird that she would not sleep in her own bed"

I agree.

I don't trust him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 12:53pm

This would really bother me, but to each their own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2011
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 5:27pm

Thank you for your very wonderful advice.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 9:51pm
I'm glad you talked and I understand feeling uncomfortable with the conversation. That can happen anytime you're talking about a sensitive subject, even if the subject is *only* sensitive to you. You say he still acted like it was no big deal. That may be because he doesn't see it as a big deal. If so, be forewarned that you'll likely be faced with other issues like this. If he didn't understand your feelings, if it comes up again, ask him how he'd feel if the situation were reversed and it was you sharing sleeping quarters with a guy. However, if he sees his situation as no big deal, he'll likely feel the same about you in a similar situation.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_