Boyfriend's parents/future inlaws are crazy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Boyfriend's parents/future inlaws are crazy!
15
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 8:42pm

My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year. He and I are very happy together and have discussed getting engaged in the next year or two. The only issue I've had with our relationship is his parents. We are both in our early 20's and still live at home while we are going to school. He is graduating college next year and hoping to get a job and move out. Right now his parents are very controlling and hold it over his head that they are paying for college. They will threaten to stop paying for his schooling for the most minute reasons. Right now he is working a part time job and getting good grades in school. He never stays out too late and always helps with chores around the house. Yet they are still very hard on him and control as much about his life as they can.

Also, they are very snobby and tend to look down on my family and I. Although they have never made a comment to my face, they have said many things to my boyfriend about my family and I.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 10:35pm

I think if people are really controlling they don't change their personality, however, if they no longer have the college tuition to hang over his head, then it will be harder to control him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 12:21am

You pretty much hit the nail on the head with what I was thinking. He keeps telling me it will be easy to stick up to them when they don't have anything to hold over his head, but I know he's lived like that his whole life and I think he's afraid to speak up to them. He has been a little more bold since we've started dating because I've told him I think he should stick up for himself a little. And actually my parents have told him the same and have even tried to have a talk with his parents about being more leniant and letting go even though its hard.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 1:43am

Welcome to the


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Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 9:58am

His parents sound like the type that don't have a life of their own outside of their children and somehow their entire self worth hangs in the balance when it comes to the success or failure of their child. It should be interesting to see their reaction when their son begins to do things for himself and make choices that they do not agree with.

There is no way to know how your BFs relationship with his parents will be after he moves out, but hopefully he will break free of their sphere of influence. You will just have to wait and see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 6:05pm

Thanks for all your imput guys, I guess I just need to wait till he graduates in the spring and hopefully he can get a job and move out asap. I hope he really will stand up to them then, and I reallyyy hope they will start to realize they can't control his entire life anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 7:08pm

Now reading details about what you said I get a better picture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 7:25pm

Thanks for sharing your experience, I was really hoping someone could give me some imput on how they have handled a similar situation, althought I know everyone's gonna be different. But yeah they really do treat him like a kid and it's ridiculous. He's proven to them that he can act responsibly but they don't ever give him the chance. My parents treat me more like you treat your daughter, they know they've given me the tools to succeed and to be a good person and they leave it up to me to make the right choices. My mom has always told me she trusts me until I mess that up, and I haven't messed it up yet!

But it just seems like no matter what he wants to do or what he does they always have a negative comment. Or they will tell him he's not allowed to do things when there is almost never a very good reason he shouldn't be allowed. Im pretty sure he's old enough to make his own decisions!

But I'm hoping once he moves out they will realize they can't have such a strong hold over him. I know for sure they will try though, and I hope he can stand up for himself when he's out on his own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 8:00am
Well, as long as HE doesnt want to do things for himself , nothing can change.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 11:13am

Hi Meg,

As long as his parents are paying for his college, they'll hold it over his head, and they will hold it over his head for his entire life. So get ready,

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 11:48am

Meg,

I'm the CL over on Surviving Divorce. So here's my

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