Calling all ladies with man problems

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Calling all ladies with man problems
20
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 12:16am

I’ve seen so many why does my DH/SO/BF don’t see I need _____? It’s apparent some of you Ladies lack an important skillset. As technical instructor for 20 years some you need to take time for a new course of study. The sooner you begin the better, just like you won’t let a new puppy run around soiling your living space with foul smells, many of you do with MEN.

You just assume his parents taught him all you know and want. Then latter you discover he has fouled up your dreams! You’re angry, upset, depressed, that he wasn’t like want you expected when you choose him at the man lot. His steering never goes where you wanted him to go, his engine has lost a lot performance, and finally he just doesn’t respond to you very well.

You can either live with an unsatisfactory product, or like the 6 Million Dollar Man, “We can rebuild him make him better than before”. Here’s a 1:30 YouTube clip for you DOB >1973

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HofoK_QQxGc

Naturally in your case you are the skilled surgeon who will perform the surgery. Now for your schooling:

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+bf&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+dh&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+significate+other&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+man+to+be+romantic&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+man+to+be+sexy&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+man+to+do+housework&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+man+to+do+raise+children&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+man+to+be+more+caring&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+man+manners&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+train+your+man+how+to+appreciate+culture&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:smileysurprised:fficial&client=firefox-beta

Ok surgeons, get to work on your man!!! Ed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 7:31am

Geek, are you aware that there are many, many men out there who already know how to share housework and contribute to the running of a house?    If so, why do you encourage women to bother with someone who isn't house trained?   

When it comes to men who are Gen X and Gen Y - and the younger baby boomers - they already know what's expected in running a house.  Most Gen Xs I know lived out of home before they settled down.    If a guy doesn't do domestics, it's because they don't want to or don't care to.....but it's not because they don't know how.  

I guess some women get pleasure from having to mother a man-child...but it's not something I'd recommend.   Instead, I'll recommend she send him back to mommy and find herself a man who already knows how to behave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 12:22pm

First I have to find the man.. Anyone know where I can do that?? I would be a very good trainer .. but at 58 I dont know any men who would even give me the right time of day let alone be trained...for I have tried for years now.................

Actually my son cooks , cleans, and does it all and lives with his gfriend. He is 32 and I am assuming since he was raised by me as a single parent I guess he either learned or didnt have a choice..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 10:29pm

Most men have considerablily lower expectations of a clean house. You are giving men credit where it’s isn’t due. Meaning most men consider a clean house if I doesn’t smell too bad and there are cures for that, laundry is done when it’s necessary to conserve energy, a beer can left here and there isn’t a big deal wait you can make a pickup worthwhile, while focusing on important things, do all the electronic toys work, is there some usable counter space available, a meal requiring more than 30 minutes is a waste of time ...

Perhaps it is true for men in your social circle, but the men I dated before and DH all know how to whip up impressive meals, clean, and iron.  It is simply a matter of survival.  When your flight is delayed and you showed up at the hotel late and there is no time to call the valet at the hotel and there is an important meeting, it helps to know how to iron your own shirt.

I still remember an exBF getting up at 5 am to pick up seafood at the Fulton Fish Market when he invited me to dinner while focusing on important things, such as working on an IPO.  Anyway, when life becomes too hectic, there is also such a thing as maid service.

Are you recommending a women with a child(ren)divorce a man just because she hasn’t even attempted to rehabilitate him in house chores? Opposite should a man divorce a woman who doesn’t know how to replace a flapper valve in a toilet, or leaking faucet?

It is an irrevant question as I won't even date, lest marry a slop in the first place.

If I want something to train, I will get a dog.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 6:39pm

Geek, with your comments being about "most" men, I can only assume that you walk in very different circles to me.    The single men I've met over the years are quite domesticated and can make a really nice meal.   And these men are smart enough to know that an acceptable living style with 'the boys' won't cut it with a woman.   My niece's new hubby came with a full set of kitchenware and can cook up a storm.    My hubby is tidier than I am.   My ex husband came straight from his mother's where he'd never done any domestics, but he picked it up straight away when we married.

I'm not suggesting anyone divorce a partner.   What I am suggesting is that women shouldn't settle and marry a man who needs to be fixed up.    One doesn't have to be able to do it all (I can't fix a toilet and my hubby doesn't think to clean it), but to me it's essential to find someone who's completely acceptable for who they are without needing to be 'rehabilitated'. 

In your first post, you suggested that there were only two options:  train a man or have a guy who doesn't help in the home (paraphrasing).   I'm simply suggesting that there's a third option - find a man who suits your needs just as he is. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 8:48pm

I fail to see how your blood sugar and testosterone levels have anything to do with this discussion. 

You analogy to training a dog is essentially correct with men even careful selecting you will need a few tweaks to satisfy you 100%.

It is not MY analogy.  Please read carefully what I wrote:  If I want something to train, I will get a dog.

Above all control dangerous activities men seem to be drawn too. That is assuming you desire to marry.

Haha!  DH and I are BOTH adventurous.  We have climbed mountains, traveled to interesting places, and piloted small planes. Most people I know resist and resent being controlled by a partner (or anyone else, for that matter).

Let's just get this straight:  I don't need your advice.  I am writing here to point out the fallacy of your thinking that all men need to be trained and controlled like a dog.  One avoids relationship problems by having the "right" partner to begin with and not settling with a "fixer-upper" then proceeding to training him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 3:32am

>>I don’t classify people into groups and always felt this was a media generated term.<<

I forgot to address this bit.   The reason that I mentioned the different generations is because I see such a change in generations of men between my father and my husband(s).

My dad was born in 1940, and you describe him to a tee.    My parents are very traditional.   Mum and Dad got married and moved straight from their family homes to living together.  Dad was the breadwinner and mum stayed at home from the time she was pregnant with me.   I doubt Dad could cook anything more adventurous than a piece of meat with 3 veg.  And there are funny stories of him carrying full diapers and heaving all the way to the laundry.  He could not iron to save his life.   But my mum is shocked that I was involved in painting the exterior of of my home...that's something she'd never get involved with.  I think that she's also shocked that I don't re-do my makeup (not that I wear it often) before my hubby comes home from work ;-)  

But I'm Gen X.  And boys who grew up at the same time as me were able to move out at a young age because housing was still affordable.  They learned domestic skills because their mum was not there doing it for them.  And their girlfriends/wives worked so there was always an expectation of shared income/shared domestic work.   Sure, there were lazy guys (and girls!) among our generation, but the smart ones of us knew that we only had to look around the corner for a partner who could figure out domestics.   Our hubbies change diapers and know how to cook.  They can iron because they had to do their business shirts when there was no mother to do it.    

Gen Y?  I'm not sure what will happen there.   Housing (at least in Sydney where I live) is not affordable.  We're on par with NYC and London as far as living expenses go.   Kids aren't moving out of home (and away from their mothers) so frequently because living independantly is so difficult to afford.     It would be interesting to hear the input of a Gen Y'er and their experience with men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 11:03am

True Blue,  I totally agree with your post!! 

In my own case, my DH, has always been neat and he does a much better job at cleaning the floors and the bathrooms than I do.  He gets down on his hands and knees and scrubs the floors where I prefer the swifter wet jet :smileywink:  He cleans when he feels something needs it--without prodding-- as do I.  He is not a fabulous cook, that is my expertise, but he would cook if necessary.

As far as mechanical things my H is not the most handy of guys and I would be much better at fixing the toilet flapper!  I have more patience than my DH and he would tell you so himself.   Both of us are creative types--I'm a professional artist and he is a musician/music school teacher so we usually leave the mechanical repairs to someone we hire.

 I do not believe that being a man makes you better at mechanical repairs.  My exh believed he was fabulous at it but every repair he tried had to be 'fixed' by a professional.  My own father was not a 'mechanical' kind of guy.  My father usually hired a professional for those things as he was a more intellectual kind of man.  I have two brothers one of them can fix anything and the other not so much.  My older brother (he's 55) cooks every night as he gets home from work before his wife and my younger brother (48 yr) is the one who cleans the house (his wife cuts the huge lawn on the riding mower). 

I never trained my DH nor would I choose to marry someone that I felt I needed to train in the first place.  My DH is 57 but maybe because he came from a family of 8 children he learned at a young age to take care of himself.  His mother tells me that he has been cleaning the floors in their house and even his grandmothers house since he was small--all this without "training".  I guess he likes it--go figure.

Being that I am in my 50's myself I just wouldn't bring anyone into my life that needed "trained or fixed".  Been there, done that.  IMHO trying to 'change' or 'train' someone to suite your needs just doesn't work.  It is much better to be compatible and work as partners from the beginning.

A very interesting discussion!

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 2:31am

OK, here's a good thread for you http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Working-On-Your-Relationship/My-husband-Will-Not-job-hunt/m-p/119732649#M109088     Her hubby won't find a job and she can barely support him.  

My approach is fairly ballsy, so I'd genuinely love to see a guy's point of view on this one.