calling him...
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calling him...
| Thu, 06-01-2006 - 7:40pm |
I call my bf everyday, he doesn't complain. I wonder if I call too much. We have talked in the past about my clingy codependent issues, and he's supportive of my efforts of changing, but...am i being paranoid now?

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Ok, well that was my original point then. Why not just talk to him when he calls you, even if it's not every day, if calling him makes you nervous that you're doing too much and being too needy? Then you won't have to worry about it!
Sheri
ok. i just remembered something he said to me a while back when we talked about all this.
he said that we are past the point where we should be worrying who calls who.
we've been together a year in july, it's been exclusive since february.
actually, i'm tired of worrying about this issue. i've decided to relax and let go. i'm going to go with the flow and see what happens.
I'm not sure I understand correctly. He's trying to help you change yourself because he sees that you're not okay as you are?
The problem with being a "coach" in a relationship is that relationships are not "fixer-upper" projects. If they start out as one being the "teacher" or "coach", the other being the "student", they start out unbalanced, unequal, as he sees you as less than an equal, less than a partner, and you see yourself as the same. Even when improvement is made, the dye has been cast, and your relationship is not equal. A therapist is the appropriate person to "coach" or "teach", not a boyfriend. I'm glad you're planning to see a therapist, that's where real help will be found and where you'll get real resolution.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
*I'm not sure I understand correctly. He's trying to help you change yourself because he sees that you're not okay as you are?*
In a way, yes. He loves me but he wants me to get over the self-esteem issues, etc. The unhealthy behavior. I don't see anything wrong with this.
He has always supported my endevours, such as going back to school and bettering myself, vice versa.
Let me add a major piece of information to this, I have bi-polar I disorder. I have been on medication for over a year. Over this time, I have changed my life a great, great deal for the better. I have been through two divorces, because of quickly rushing into relationships with men so that i felt needed and loved. I went a long time feeling emotionally even, that is when our relationship got so much better and so much more serious.
I am starting to think I'm relapsing. bi-polar is something you live with the rest of your life, you have to keep a careful eye on your thinking and your decisions (at least in my case) I've been manic and paranoid like before, then depressed when I'm alone.
ok, so there are wonderful things about me that he treasures, but as for my co-dependent behavior and low self-esteem, that is something that has to change before we can go any further. if our relationship is going to last, anyway.
i understand what you mean by "coaching", i'm going to start going back to my therapist :)
I do understand that Bipolar is something you'll deal with for the rest of your life. I think it's great that you recognize that you may be relapsing, recognizing that will help you immensely in keeping it under control. This would be a great time to contact the your meds provider, notify him/her that you feel you're relapsing and see if a change in your medication dose is indicated.
I really hope everything works out for you ~
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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