Can men and women "Just" be friends??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2011
Can men and women "Just" be friends??
23
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:25am

I have a question...Can men and women "Just" be friends?

Why I am asking....my new guy has this "Friend" that he talks to about as much if not more then he talks to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 2:18am

Are you sure she knows he is with you when she texts him? Does he tell her when he is expected to be with you and ask her NOT to text or call him at that time? If not that's on him not her, but if he's out on a date with you I do agree that it is rude for them to be texting back and forth at that time. I think you should wait and see if he is using this bowling tournament thing as an excuse to text her and see if the texting calms down or stops after this thing is over. Bottom line though is the hiding any texts with her from you is troublesome. If they were all innocent (by innocent I mean not flirtatious) then why hide them from you at all?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 3:00am

Welcome to the board, Divorced23 ~

You said when you were first dating you let it go because you were just dating, but now you're in a relationship you're not okay with it, is that right?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2011
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 8:17am
Thanks for the welcome 2nd_life and thanks for you're advice.

I should've been a little clearer about the being ok with it...he has a lot of female friends, I am ok with that, I have a few male friends. He/she didn't talk/text as much in the beginning at least not when I am around. The last 2months it has increased and I noticed the times that I am with him and she texts him his response time is within seconds. I text him when we aren't together and sometimes it takes him forever to respond or sometimes not at all. I get the excuse he was busy at work, his phone was charging, no signal etc.

An example..he was away for the weekend a couple weeks ago. I sent him a text, nothing. Find out later that week that "she" got texts from him and I was told he had no signal til he got back to the hotel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:18am
Okay so this clearly indicates that he jumps quickly in response to HER texts, and casually answers YOURS whenever he gets around to it. And then he LIES TO YOU about not being able to respond to your texts cause of being too busy at work or a bad signal, phone charging etc. which all sound like lame excuses to me. Sorry if this hurts, but he is clearly putting HER ahead of YOU on his priority list and you have every right to be troubled by this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2011
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:24am
Yes... That's my thoughts. I guess I needed to hear it from someone else. Thought I was over reacting because of the bowling thing. I am going to see him this weekend and I will talk to him about it.

Thanks for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:31am
As for the basic question though I think Harry spoke the truth in When Harry met Sally. He wasn't saying a man in a committed relationship will cheat on his SO, but if a woman he finds attractive is available and the opportunity is offered up, he will want to. But that's just biology and the need to spread his seed and procreate that's been there since the caveman days and always will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:37am

The crux of the issue here is more clear.

I agree with Peaceyma.

And the only real way to fix the situation is by only accepting being a priority to someone. (when it's put so simply!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:45am

Normally I would say that since she has a BF and the 4 of you have gone out together that it's not something to worry about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 12:07pm

I am interested to know how you found out how he was hiding texts from her? Do you know what those texts said?

How did you find out that he responded to her, and not you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 12:54pm
True to an extent, but you often hear of affairs going on between the opposite sex members of the other couple going on because the two couples start hanging out too much, going on trips together etc, and then they get too close with each other. My own H had an affair with the wife of a couple we got to be good friends with many many years ago, and I later found out about 2 other couples in our group of 6 other couples that were also cheating with the other spouses. Bottom line here is never get too close to that other couple no matter how trustworthy you think your spouse is. I've seen that turn into trouble one too many times since then.

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