Cancer Survivor with NYE problems...
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|Mon, 11-04-2013 - 9:01pm|
I was diagnosed with cancer in June. After 5 1/2 months of chemotherapy, I have finally been told I am cancer free as of a few days ago and am currently in remission. This came as a huge shock to me and my husband...but a WONDERFUL surprise. As it turns out, I will be finished with radiation right before Christmas, and should be able to return to work by January.
Here's my problem: My husband is in a band who has been scheduled to play on New Years Eve this year. They usually play at a bar, and this has been planned for months and they have done this for the past 3 years. After hearing the good news, I wasn't very excited about spending my NYE at this particular bar sitting by myself at a table while my husband played with his band for 4 hours until 1am. I've done this twice now, and it's never very much fun. I approached my husband and asked him if he could find a replacement to play with the band (something he's done several times before when his dates interfere with our vacations, etc.), and that I have decided that I will not attend.....and he was livid. He told me that I've backed him into a corner, and now he HAS to spend NYE with me because if he doesn't, he's the a**hole husband who abandoned his cancer-free wife on New Years. I should add that he found a replacement last year to spend NYE with me...something I never asked him to do, but he did it as a surprise.
We've fought about it all night and aren't really on speaking terms at the moment. I feel awful, but I'm also very hurt. He said some very mean things...that I am purposefully guilt tripping him, that although he supported me during cancer I am not returning this support to him, and that I have "won" because now no matter what we do he knows that I'll either be unhappy there or unhappy that he's there without me.
Am I wrong?? I think my husband SHOULD be eager to spend New Years with me and our family instead of making me sit by myself at a table watching him play with his band. We've asked friends to attend in the past, and they mostly do it out of guilt since this is in a remote area where they would not usually want to spend their holiday. I don't blame them and don't want to ask again this year. I also feel backed into a corner. I don't think I should have to be subjected to doing this, but I also don't want to be unsupportive of him who has stood by my side this entire time. I'm upset that he's thrown that in my face as well.
Thank you for any opinions or insights you can help me with.