Career Stress

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Career Stress
4
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 8:32pm
Hi buds! I recently had a discussion with my bf about being focused on my spiritual and career goals. I like to have fun with him, but he's too much lately. He is settled in his career has an easy desk job making 55K, hardly no stress. I am struggling and have been for quite some time now (3 yrs) and folks as you know the high gas prices don't help. I got bosses watching me like a hawk and going on job interviews is not fun. I'm not jealous of him, he's just set and can relax and I can't. I recently told him about a few downfalls on the career front. I do know what I want and it's similar to what he's doing, but it's a male dominated field so it's been hard for me. I have asked him for a few days now if he wants to discusss work related issues and he just grunts and changes the subject. I don't bug him about it I just need a little support when I know I have an interview coming up. Men are sooo stupid! I'd like to see him go on a job interview and see how nervous he gets. Geeez. Then he said I hurt his feelings when I said I needed some space cause I had some decisions to make on what job to take! He said "so I'm just a distraction?" I saw ya, cause you really don't know do you. He said well I haven't had to interview in 15 yrs. gawd. Any input here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vixen1974
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:12pm

Hey there Vixen ~


Manners when dining out


I'm posting the link to your previous post so that those who aren't familiar with it have a chance to get a broader perspective on your relationship/guy. It may seem like it's totally unrelated, but I think it might offer some clues to his personality, and having more insight into that will definitely help in offering suggestions!


I've just arrived home from work and need to get going on dinner, I'll be back in a while to post my thoughts!







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vixen1974
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:11pm

I think the biggest problem might be in how you're wording this. You say, "I have asked him for a few days now if he wants to discuss work related issues and he just grunts and changes the subject." Okay, but the fact is, he doesn't want to talk about work related issues, you do!


If you want to talk about work related issues, you're going to have to say something more along the lines of, "I need some pointers on XXXX, I really need your help with this, could you talk to me about it for a while?" A big thing about men is they're very "help" oriented as a rule. Let them know you need their help and you've got their attention. It's an important way to start a discussion with a guy, it really helps get him in the "attentive, help mode". I know this isn't an argument, but some of the suggestions listed on these constructive arguing articles are very good general information on proactive communication in general. I think they'll help you have better communication with your guy:


Verbal Fencing With Someone You Love
Ten Rules For Fair Fighting
Dos and Don'ts For Fair Fighting
Conflicts - Points to Remember


Let us know how it goes!








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
In reply to: vixen1974
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 4:46pm
Hey I posted about this back in April and it's still a conflict with my guy 6 months later. I posted about trying to get him to plan dates or romantic ideas and all he wants to do is grunt, hide behind the remote, and veg. I am trying to be understanding, but his job is making him turn into a jerk. How much BS do you have to put up with at work? I understand you gotta work, but when should one draw the line on the stress factor? I have even been on long weekend breaks with him and he's so much more easy going and takes time for me and his well-being when he is away from work or has a long break/vacation between work. He gets 9 hours paid time off every pay period so it's not like he can't give himself a break. As far as me, he and I have different work ethics, I have a hard time holding down a job. So he thinks when I tell him to start looking for a new job that I just make easy choices and job hop. I said no I can tell you are very stretched at this job, in fact very unhappy, burned out possibly I don't know I am not there, but it shows. (we live separately and doesn't seem to want a live in girlfriend says all they do is Nag him and he doesn't need that right now because of his career.) Hmmm great. (sorry diff topic)So I said talk to your boss, don't bring your work home, have fun, or get out there and find another job. He said he's too worn out to put forth the effort to find a job, then I said well don't complain then. He said it wouldn't matter anyway if he talked to management he deals with the bullcrap everyday. He works a government job, lots of paperwork. He comes home and leaves work at work, sometimes better than me! lol I said no you don't. I can tell it's stressing you out. Why do men not admit their weaknesses and deny clear facts when their woman points out a problem? Maybe his situation at work is unique I don't know but I do know he's a procrastinator. I know he not perfect just want him to be happy in career which I'm told is hard to do. BTW cl-2nd life yes my boyfriend is very help oriented, very. I've learned that much. be blessed -Dawn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vixen1974
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 2:41am
The bottom line here is just what you think it is. This is his problem and he's handling it the way he chooses. As you know, he has choices, he can take time off, he can find another job, he can find a way to be happy and satisfied with the job he has, but he's not choosing any of those. He's choosing to continue to do exactly what he's doing and continue to react the same way as a result. It may be stress, but if this is how he chooses to deal with work issues, this is how he's always going to be.


You can't change him, you can't make a difference in what he does. He's chosen what he's going to do, all you can do is make choices for yourself based on your situation is, whether you're willing to deal with it, and how long you're willing to deal with it.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"