Cheating Behavior or Selfish Behavior?
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| Tue, 09-20-2005 - 2:13pm |
I've never posted here before but needed to pose my question to a group where someone may have had a similar experience.
Brief history: DH was married when I met him. When I found that out I said I wasn't interested but he told me he was going through a divorce. 1 1/2 years later I find out he's still married. (I know, I felt like the biggest fool.) Upon me finding out he immediately moved out, I decided to give him another chance and we ended up getting married a few years later. We've been married for 5 years and most of it has been pretty rough. We eventually went to counseling (mainly because we have 2 small children - I feel I need to try to work it out for their sake) for six months (we just stopped in April) because things seemed to be getting better.
So, is he cheating? He goes out twice a week without fail. Sometimes 3 times. Most of the time he's telling me he has to go out with a customer, but not always. We recently moved further away from his work so lately he'll call me and tell me he's staying with a friend because he doesn't want to drive all the way home after drinking too much. I'm pretty sure I can establish that he has a drinking problem and maybe that's really all this is. I get no weird calls and have found no evidence. The problem is he is very good at lying and the fact is, he did this when he was married before - with me! I just didn't know it at the time. I don't know if his wife had suspicions or not but he spent most of his weeknights with me (sometimes all night, sometimes until midnight or so, not as many weekends). This is when he goes out now, mainly during the week. He has sworn many times he'd never cheat on me - not that I ask him or confront him. Many times though, he has accused me of cheating - even though I rarely go out! It's so annoying. He's the one who has broken trust so many times by lying to me. Anyway.....
I don't know, maybe I'm just hoping he's having an affair - it would be an "easy" way out of my marriage at this point. It's sad that it wouldn't hurt me to know he was cheating. It would piss me off for investing more time than I should have, but it wouldn't hurt me.
Does anyone have any thoughts?

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If you have friends and family that you can talk to and who know your situation, you're miles ahead. I had backed myself away (embarrassed, afraid of outbursts, etc.) that I was the only one who knew what was going on. Being able to talk about it, keeping it in the open helps keep you from getting buried in it, if that makes any sense, and I'm not sure it does.
Knock on my door anytime, either here or via email, whichever you feel is more appropriate and are more comfortable with. cl-2nd_life@comcast.net
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Sexual Pleasure
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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