Coming clean and need support
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| Fri, 02-17-2006 - 10:25am |
I haven't thought of this in a long time, but DH brought up something last night that I feel I need to come clean about.
My first round of therapy a couple years back helped me realize that when I was younger, I had a huge problem w/ lying and shame. Basically I thought my life was boring when I was younger and made up things I felt would make my life sound more interesting and attract more people to me. A cry for attention if you will...
I've grown a lot since then. However, I realized that I have allowed Dh to believe something I told him when we were first dating all these years. I really feel the need to clear the air with him. As I've grown up, I've learned the value of trust and honesty, and there is no other way to put it. I have no excuse. It was wrong of me to let him go on believing this about my past when it didn't happen. Granted, it's not like I had an abortion, or something like that, but it is something that does need to be cleared up. I found myself last night looking for excused to put it off, but I really feel like I need to clear the air ASAP. I hadn't even thought of it until DH mentioned it last night and I didn't have the guts to do it then, but ever since then, the guilt has been too much and with all we've been going through lately, he deserves no less than the truth from me in this situation...
Basically, I have a scar on my shoulder from an excision of something (they didn't know what it was). They discovered my scars get bigger and bigger. It started as a joke. I was a very clean cut kid, so my friends and I used to joke that I was shot during my "gangsta days". When someone actually bought the joke (as a 13 year old) I noticed it got me attention so I let her stick to the story. The story snowballed. When I first met DH (online) I was still a teenager, and still craving attention. He had lived an rougher life than I had - so I allowed the story to continue. I need to clear the air with him and tell him the truth.
I'm pretty sure he won't leave me over this and if he does, that's his choice and I can't blame him.
But I could use some support in this. Things are going well right now, and I hate to disturbe the peace we've had for the last 2 days, but this is necessary and it's unacceptable that I've let him continue to believe this this long.
I have no excuse. I did something wrong and need to ask forgiveness.
Thanks for listenin'.
- Jay

So you're thinking about having a baby together..........and you're wanting to make a confession about something like this?
This is as adolescent as it gets. But it also could have a serious effect.
If he has an image of you based on lies......might that explain why his standards and values and behavioral responses that you're not in agreement with - don't make sense on his level?
Here's you - in a gang in your youth, meaning you had no parenting, you lived life on the streets, in charge of yourself, looking out for #1, and if you didn't feed you - you didn't eat.
You are then turning around and expecting him to prioritize, care about, be considerate of you.......as if you're incapable of self-sufficient survival.
Excuse me.....but that makes no sense...and it's no wonder he doesn't understand why some things upset you - that upset you. Because in this lower standard of living, survival of the fittest world that he comes from and you claimed to inhabit.......that is the "way of the world".
I don't think it's a huge issue...I think just staring at the external elements, anybody would tell you to laugh off telling him, tell him if it'll make you feel better about yourself for being honest....but that it shouldn't have any effect on his perception of or desire for you.
But you know that this particular lie is something that has your image in his mind attached, and he got with you because that image was present......that is what you're worried about.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
How long ago was it that you told him the false story about the scar? How old were you when you told him your story?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
See weekend update
_ jay
- J. Darling
Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr