Compromising about where we live?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2011
Compromising about where we live?
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 9:19pm

I need some help with an issue of compromise.

This winter, my boyfriend and I chose a plan--we'd move together to Utah for the summer and then back home to Wisconsin for the winter to save money for grad school. We were both on board. Then, we got to Utah and he accepted a year-long job without checking with me first (not maliciously--they said they wanted a year's commitment to the job in the interview and he thought he didn't have a different option). I rolled with it because I love the Salt Lake City area and didn't mind being there for a year.

The day we were about to sign a lease, his company called and said that they needed to transfer him to Nevada, and that he'd have to be there in two days to start. He learned this time, and said that he needed to talk to me first. I didn't want to leave him without a job, so I agreed to leave Utah. We chose the biggest nearby city (the job is in the middle of nowhere, so it was going to be a long drive, anyway). I assumed I'd be able to find things to do that I loved because it is a relatively large place.

It has been two months, and I have never been more miserable. Although this is the biggest city around, there are no opportunities to do what I love to do: choir, music theater, outdoor activities. I have tried SO hard to find things to do, but no luck. My boyfriend is gone into the wilderness with no phone/email communication for over two weeks of every month, so I'm alone. To add to that, I know absolutely no one and I work from home, so I go days without talking to anyone but store clerks and the receptionist at my gym. For a super-social person like me, this is incredibly difficult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 1:37am

Hi there K.Smithy,

Wow, I could have written your exact story 12 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 3:03am

Welcome to the board, K.smithy, I'm sorry you're in the position you're in.

I have a few questions if you don't mind.

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 9:17am

That really sucks. I'm into music as well and I can't imagine living in a place that didn't have an outlet for me. It would be excruciating.

I do think it's reasonable of you to tell your boyfriend that you are not happy. Just because you agreed to move and try it out doesn't mean you agreed to spend the rest of your life in NV. And you won't.

I hate to put it this way but when you're young, dating, and looking to settle yourself in a location that is right for you individually, your needs as an individual need to come before your commitment to another person. So I think you have every right and responsibility to stand up for yourself. If your boyfriend found employment in SLC, then I imagine he can do it again... Kind of sounds like he is a wilderness guide?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 1:50pm
If you are going to be in a relationship like that then I would recommend that you communicate what is going on with you to him. People who are in relationships need to let the other know what they are feeling and thinking don't you think?

You cannot work out problems and issues together without first informing your partner what is the problem.