Condoms found

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2001
Condoms found
11
Wed, 03-27-2013 - 2:04pm

I found 2 condoms in a small bag in my husband's toiletry bag. Also inside this small bag were bandaides, antiseptic ointment sample, a sample packet of aspirin, and some cotton balls. This small bag came from a duathlon race he attended out of state alone last year. I do triathlons and duathlons too, but have never received condoms as part of my race packet! The reason I saw them was because the bag was out in plain sight within the larger bag and my husband had gone into it to get a bandaide. I actually picked up this small blue bag because I had not seen it before and I noticed through the see-through plastic what I thought were condoms inside. My husband took it out of my hand, put it back, and tossed the toiletry bag under the sink. I went back and looked inside after he left the house to confirm I did indeed see condoms. So, what are the chances they were part of the race packet stuff? The LAST thing I would expect from my husband of just 5 years is unfaithfullness. It does not seem possible since we have a great relationship/life together and do everything together and are rarely apart. The only thing that makes me question is the fact that he would have seen friends at this race who he's known longer than me (male and female), and I just can't figure why they'd put condoms in a race packet. And if they did, why didn't he laugh and tell me about it or get ride of them? I am going to ask him about it because it's driving me crazy. But what are your thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
In reply to: 67girl
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 3:30am
First did you notice any name on them? Remember race sponsors are all about advertising especially since your friends at the IRS like a justifiable reason to give them away. As a man it does seem a strange give-away item also has he ever used the big bag before? Ok, here's my take on this: Speaking as a married man if I found such in any of my personal items it would generate a Defcon #1 alert. If I knew you saw them I wouldn't just treat it as a casual matter, but I've been married 37 years and I'm likely more into how you ladies see things. Now your right this is going to be about as forgettable as a sand burr in your undies. Something that you're not going to erase easily like matches from a men's club. So may I suggest you express you concerns about said condoms and offer to help him clean-out his past cobwebs lurking in old pre-marriage stuff. Then you'll know it's a clean slate and you're going to have accept his reply. Besides who knows what other landmines he forgot to dispose of. Since your smarter than dancing in a minefield make sure it's safe first. Men are like target acquisition radars, constantly scanning for a hot target, then transitioning into precision strike mode. You have no ability to stop this behavior it's genetic, you should be aware scanning is the normal mode, and precision is fixation which you should notice and turn-off with something like 'she's must be in the hunter killer mode' which alerts him of you notice his behavior too. Or as my wifey did, 'honey if you twisted your neck any farther you would have to treated for whiplash' which took my radar completely off the air. Since men where produced first our systems are easily spotted, analyzed, and disabled by the latter model, and that would be women beside your equipment with a top secret detector call intuition. In fact we men are totally mystified how it works even after centuries of observation. We have concluded it's a telepathy device which reads our minds. So there you have it, so have no fear it will normally alert you that he isn't in precision mode with you. Unfortunately you must have you receiver on to receive intuition detector output and not ignore it. Often intuition malfunctions during the dating phase and shuts-down all your logic processing circuits, there is a back-up which operates on hormones which is a hit and miss circuit at processing men. You are equipped with other systems which if properly used cause all of his processes to shutdown and require repair at your facilities if you really need them. So see being 1st isn't always the best deal!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2011
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 7:28pm

I found some condoms in my husbands drawer ( ex-husband now). I was on the pill we didn't use condoms. He made some lame excuse and acted very nonchalant about it. I had 2 young children at the time and just didn't have the time to worry about them. 3 months later I found out he was having an affair with a co-worker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2011
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 7:28pm

I found some condoms in my husbands drawer ( ex-husband now). I was on the pill we didn't use condoms. He made some lame excuse and acted very nonchalant about it. I had 2 young children at the time and just didn't have the time to worry about them. 3 months later I found out he was having an affair with a co-worker.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 8:41pm

I think you're doing the right thing.  I would do the same.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2001
In reply to: 67girl
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 12:33pm

I did check for an expiration date, and although you can see some kind of numbers on the packages, it's not legible. I have no reason not to believe him since there's never been any other suspicions, even remotely. And, he was not concerned in the least that I was asking and didn't hesitate or stammer when answering or act weird the rest of the night or anything like that. I even asked how they got in the bag that he'd only had a year and he answered that he probably 'picked a bunch of stuff up and stuck it in there to clear out the bigger bag.' So unless he's really good at lying and has no conscience, I'm not going to worry over this.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 03-28-2013 - 1:09am

I was thinking the same thing as you -- that a sponsor gave them out.  My husband marathons and while I haven't seen condoms, I've seen some things you wouldn't expect to see.  Did the duathalon benefit any group like Planned Parenting or something like that?  Any way you can go to the duathalon site for a list of sponsors? I'm also thinking if he'd  bought them himself he wouldn't have put them in a plastic bag with other toiletries, they'd be loose in his bag, or somewhere else entirely.  In the bag suggests being put their neatly while packing up and that wouldn't make any sense.  Have you suspected cheating before this?

Let us know what you find out.  Gotta say though, even if he bought them betting he'd say they were in his race packet, it's too easy.  


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 03-27-2013 - 11:25pm

He could be telling the truth, but still I find it a bit suspicious that he would put some "old and about to disintegrate condoms from the early 2000's" back in his bag. I'd be curious what the date on them really is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2001
In reply to: 67girl
Wed, 03-27-2013 - 9:00pm

OK. I asked him why there were condoms in that bag. He was totally unconcerned and said something like 'oh those are so old. I've had those since before I knew you - they're probably from the early 2000s.' Then he goes and gets them out and says 'they're probably way expired and would disintegrate.' So, I do believe him. Reaction was so casual and he never does throw anything away. Apparently they got in that bag because he 'just grabbed bunch of stuff from the larger bag and put them in there.'  And know what? He just put them back after trying to find an expiration date. Whatever.  I really couldn't imagine he would have them for cheating purposes, but you never know. I think I watch too much of those crazy true stories on the Bio channel!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2001
In reply to: 67girl
Wed, 03-27-2013 - 5:00pm

It's possible a sponser put the condoms in, and really that's the only explanation I'll accept. We have never used condoms as I'm on the pill, so he can't say they were intended for us. I read that at the London olympics they gave condoms to every athlete, so maybe this is a trend. Will be asking tonight.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
In reply to: 67girl
Wed, 03-27-2013 - 4:15pm

I know nothing about what comes in a racing kit but yeah condoms doesnt sound like a necessary item. Doesn't sound like it phased him that you had that kit in your hand. If it was something he wouldn't have wanted you to see, he would have made sure they were not in his bag when he came home. You'd think if you caught him red handed he would have exhibited some sort of deer in the headlights look. He seemed to have a non-chalant reaction. Guilt-free reaction would be another way to say it. Is it possible some sponsor of the race had them added to the kit for promotional purposes? Agreed though the best way forward is to ask about them instead of killing yourself with speculation.

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