confused by his actions/or non-actions as it were....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
confused by his actions/or non-actions as it were....
1
Thu, 06-07-2012 - 12:04pm

Is it the same? He wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but won't get married right away?
Folks, please help me on this one... My guy and I have been engaged over a year. He keeps telling me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. THEN, I get the "conditions" like he wants me to get rid of my cat, wants me to get rid of some stuff I have stored in garage, wants me to pay more of the bills (I just <finally> got a job after grad. and getting my BS, and it doesn't pay that well, so I will be looking for another one), sometimes I wonder why he even asked me to marry him??? (Should I ask him that?) I mean we could have co-habited and not been engaged leaving me wondering if he really wants to get married or not? He won't even talk about the planning of the wedding! I just want to elope and have a party later- not too much to ask, I'm thinkin (after all it IS a second wedding for each of us, and I already had that *big party* at my 1st wedding), but would like to know "SOMETHING", so I can get started on my dress (I'm a fashion designer/dressmaker), and with all this doubt he's cast, I can't get myself motivated to even start this major project! What is up with him? I understand the money thing, but eloping doesn't cost that much, and I have most everything I need to sew my dress... What could I tell him to ease his stress level?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Re: confused by his actions/or non-actions as it were....
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:43pm

This guy swept me off my feet in  the beginning.  We went to h.s. together and were reunited at our 30 yr. reunion, we started dating a week later.  He talked about a future together, he told me I was "The One", we went of weekend getaways, and trips to Myrtle Beach.  The money means nothing to me, but he has a fixation over it I'm finding out as we live together.  My best friend told me that we just have to get used to each other b/c living with someone can be testing.  I am ok with getting rid of some of my stuff, the cat thing was an adjustment, but I do accept that some guys just don't like cats.  He said b4 we moved in that he thought he'd be able to handle it, but after awhile, he couldn't. 

I guess we have a communication issue, number one. 

I still want to marry him b/c he makes me feel special during less stressful times, and I love him; the kind of love that I roll over after he goes to work and sleep on his pillow because it smells like him.  I haven't had that kind of love for someone in a LONG time.